• Almost always open
CalmFamily
  • FIND US
    Local consultant
  • CALL or TEXT
    (44) 07943 064 853​
  • EMAIL US
    hello@calmfamily.org
  • Preparing for baby
  • Home
    • About CalmFamily
    • Meet the team
    • Contact us
    • Media and press
    • FAQs
  • Family education
    • BirthCalm
      • Birth choices workshop
      • Caesarean birth workshop
      • Birth after caesarean workshop
      • Pregnancy calming classes
      • Your calm birth course
    • BabyCalm
      • Preparing for baby course
      • Fourth trimester
      • The new baby course
      • Calmer beginnings group
      • Calmer babies workshop
      • Building babies brains workshop
      • The developing baby course
      • Calmer baby sleep
      • Calmer weaning workshop
    • ToddlerCalm
      • Toddler behaviour
      • Toddler sleep
      • Toddler eating
      • Building better brains
      • Toilet learning
      • ToddlerCalm course
    • NurtureCalm... loading
      • Nurturing newborns
      • Nurturing baby
      • NurtureCalm toddler
      • NurtureCalm develop
    • ChildCalm - coming 2020
  • Professional education
    • Development events
      • CPD November Manchester
    • Consultant training
    • More coming soon
  • Find support
    • Find a consultant
      • South Central
      • South East
      • South West
      • London
      • West England and Wales
      • East England
      • Home Counties
      • Midlands
      • Yorkshire
      • Lancashire
      • North West & Cumbria
      • Scotland
      • Northern Ireland
      • The Channel Islands
      • International
    • CalmFamily online support hub
    • Bonnie Parenting online community (for Scotland)
  • Training
    • New online consultant training
    • Dates and booking 2021
    • Training information
    • Consultant specialisms
      • Birth specialist training
      • Baby specialist training
      • Toddler specialist training
      • Nurture specialist training
      • Child specialist training
    • Training FAQs
    • Community membership
  • Blog
  • Hire & buy
    • Free stretchy wrap hire
    • Carrying
    • Calming
    • Sleeping
    • Playing
    • Eating
    • It's a Sling Thing
  • Home
    • About CalmFamily
    • Meet the team
    • Contact us
    • Media and press
    • FAQs
  • Family education
    • BirthCalm
      • Birth choices workshop
      • Caesarean birth workshop
      • Birth after caesarean workshop
      • Pregnancy calming classes
      • Your calm birth course
    • BabyCalm
      • Preparing for baby course
      • Fourth trimester
      • The new baby course
      • Calmer beginnings group
      • Calmer babies workshop
      • Building babies brains workshop
      • The developing baby course
      • Calmer baby sleep
      • Calmer weaning workshop
    • ToddlerCalm
      • Toddler behaviour
      • Toddler sleep
      • Toddler eating
      • Building better brains
      • Toilet learning
      • ToddlerCalm course
    • NurtureCalm... loading
      • Nurturing newborns
      • Nurturing baby
      • NurtureCalm toddler
      • NurtureCalm develop
    • ChildCalm - coming 2020
  • Professional education
    • Development events
      • CPD November Manchester
    • Consultant training
    • More coming soon
  • Find support
    • Find a consultant
      • South Central
      • South East
      • South West
      • London
      • West England and Wales
      • East England
      • Home Counties
      • Midlands
      • Yorkshire
      • Lancashire
      • North West & Cumbria
      • Scotland
      • Northern Ireland
      • The Channel Islands
      • International
    • CalmFamily online support hub
    • Bonnie Parenting online community (for Scotland)
  • Training
    • New online consultant training
    • Dates and booking 2021
    • Training information
    • Consultant specialisms
      • Birth specialist training
      • Baby specialist training
      • Toddler specialist training
      • Nurture specialist training
      • Child specialist training
    • Training FAQs
    • Community membership
  • Blog
  • Hire & buy
    • Free stretchy wrap hire
    • Carrying
    • Calming
    • Sleeping
    • Playing
    • Eating
    • It's a Sling Thing

The CalmFamily community blog

Categories

All
Acceptance
Activities
Babies
Baby Experts
Baby Products
Baby Sleep
Babywearing
Behaviour
Birth
Bonding
Children
Christmas
Collaborative Business
Connection
Coparenting
Danielle Heap
Discipline
Emily Wilding Fackrell
Equality
Expectations
Infant Feeding
Mothers
Neuropsychology
Pregnancy
Professionals
Rhythm
Screen Time
Siblings
Teenagers
Toddler
Toddlers
Travel

Archives

April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
March 2019
November 2018
September 2018
July 2018
June 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
October 2017
September 2017
March 2017
January 2017
November 2016
May 2016
January 2016
January 2014
December 2013
October 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
October 2012
September 2012
May 2012
April 2012
February 2012

Am I creating bad sleep habits?

17/6/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
So you’ve heard it all before;
​
‘you are making a rod for your own back’,

‘they are manipulating you’ 

‘You’ll never get them out of your bed’
Picture
When I had my first child I was terrified that I wasn't ‘teaching’ him how to sleep properly, that somehow my cuddling and helping him get to sleep was a disservice to him and would prevent him from being able to sleep properly when he was bigger. I spent months ensuring that he was bathed and ready for bed by 7pm, that no matter what happened we were not to leave his bedroom from 7pm until 7am, not matter what! I had read that he needed to know that 7pm was bedtime and 7am was time to get up and anywhere in between those times were nighttime and thus bedtime!

Night after night I would cuddle him in, make him lovely and sleepy and then put him down in his cot ‘sleepy but awake’ because I thought that if I didn’t he would never ‘learn’ how to get to sleep and I worried that he would eventually get too big for me to cuddle or rock to sleep. Of course every time I placed him in his cot, drowsy but awake, he startled and woke and the whole process would start again. I would then lay down on the floor and hold his hand through the bars of his cot until he fell asleep (usually a couple of hours later)! Every night I went through this process, struggling with the time and energy it took me to get him to sleep and getting more and more worried that maybe I had broken him because he was 12 months old and couldn’t yet fall asleep by himself!

I struggled with this notion for a further 6 months, wondering how on earth I was going to teach my son how to get himself to sleep without leaving him to cry! 

Just before he turned two I attended BabyCalm training & we all shared our worries and stories and experiences. Sleep, of course, came up and I had the most outstanding realisation, a realisation that would change mine & my son's life! 

I did not need to teach him how to sleep, just as I didn’t need to teach him how to walk, or sit up or roll over! He would do it, in his own time, with support and love! I didn’t need to teach him how to sleep, it wasn’t my job or responsibility, or my failing! And so much pressure fell off my shoulders in that instant!

All I needed to do was provide him with the right conditions, a safe place and he would be able to sleep and I was not creating bad habits by cuddling him or rocking him! How could I be? I was making sleep into a safe, comforting, peaceful thing to do - not something to be afraid of or fear or dread! 

When I returned from training bedtimes became much less stressed and less focussed on time, much more informal, calm and laid back,  I invited him back into my room at nighttime, I even moved his toddler bed into my room so he had his own sleeping space close to me! Each night I would lie in a comfortable bed whilst he drifted off to sleep, not on the floor with my arm through some cold, hard cot bars and the guilt, the feeling of failure and frustration was gone! 

He chose to stay in my bedroom for a few years after that, sometimes retreating back into his room but the majority of nights were spent close to me! And that brings us to now, just following his 6th birthday, he declared that he was ready to sleep in his own room and for 3 months now that is where he sleeps, happy to go to bed, with positive associations with sleep and bedtime! 

Did I create bad habits by not teaching him how to self soothe? Did I create bad habits and cause him a disservice by not teaching him how to fall asleep? Did I create bad habits by cuddling him & rocking him to sleep? 

​
Well I’ll leave you with this image of my 6 year old, sleeping peacefully in his own bed, in his own room, having fallen asleep by himself & let you decide ❤️

P.S he also sleeps through the night!! 

Danielle Heap - Director of Community

Picture
Danielle is mum to two gorgeous children living on the west coast of Cumbria. She's a director and consultant at CalmFamily. Her favourite thing to do is getting out into nature & exploring with her children, their favourite places are the beach & the gorgeous lakes that are right on their doorstep! 

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Activities
    Babies
    Baby Experts
    Baby Products
    Baby Sleep
    Babywearing
    Behaviour
    Birth
    Bonding
    Children
    Christmas
    Collaborative Business
    Connection
    Coparenting
    Danielle Heap
    Discipline
    Emily Wilding Fackrell
    Equality
    Expectations
    Infant Feeding
    Mothers
    Neuropsychology
    Pregnancy
    Professionals
    Rhythm
    Screen Time
    Siblings
    Teenagers
    Toddler
    Toddlers
    Travel

    Archives

    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    November 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    May 2016
    January 2016
    January 2014
    December 2013
    October 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    October 2012
    September 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    February 2012

    RSS Feed

Picture

  Company


about
contact
testimonials
terms and conditions
privacy policy
meet the team
faqs
blog
media & press
shop and library
consultant log in

Contact


hello@calmfamily.org
07943 064853
Find local services

 ​Receive our emails


Sign up
Photos used under Creative Commons from Ah Wei (Lung Wei), philwarren, treehouse1977
© Copyright ​2016-2019 CalmFamily CIC