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Crying out for change:crying isn't a baby's only form of communication

28/10/2019

It's 2am, dark, quiet, still. You are sleeping. You are dreaming of being alone on a beach somewhere, its warm, quiet and there's no kids in sight; everything is wonderful and rosy as you skip along the sand. You look at the seagulls on the rocks and smile. Suddenly one of the seagulls let's out an almighty screech, it's so loud it makes you jump, it's screaming now, wailing at you. You wake up with a start, completely confused and disorientated. You're not on a beach, you're in your bedroom and the screaming isn’t a seagull, it's your baby in the next room. You quickly jump out of bed and run to baby's room and pick them up. You try to feed them. They're already so upset that it's so hard to latch them on and the crying is ear piercing, it cuts through the night air and your entire being like a knife. You struggle and feel flustered and angry, you want to cry too.

The sound of a baby crying is probably one of our least favourite sounds ever. As humans we are programmed to hate the sound so that we will react accordingly to try to help the baby. It doesn't help that as a society we have also been conditioned to be averse to crying and to see it as a weakness or negative trait; so often, on top of the actual dislike of the noise, we are also triggered by babies crying and it can make us feel irrationally angry or upset ourselves.

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“Am I a good enough parent?” (Spoiler alert: Yes, I am. But NOT just because I’m asking the question..)

21/10/2019

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I am a parent.
Sometimes I think I’m a great parent.
At other times not so much.

I seem able to be a not-so-good parent in four different ways.

n the first kind I am simply dropping balls. Leaving lunch behind. Getting half way through cooking the supper they really want to discover we’re missing a key ingredient. Being late. Getting the date wrong for a party and missing it. Everyday mum guilt type of stuff.

The second type has me losing my cool. I hear myself yell at my kids, using threats, shaming, my own frustration spilling over and landing firmly on their little selves.

Thirdly there are the moments of watching something I’m getting wrong or working through impact on them. Such as my own relationship struggles with their Dad. Or with their Granny. Maybe choosing a change of job that means moving house, or moving school. Seeing my own choices or failings cause my children a whole extra run of hurdles to get over.

And lastly there are the times when I look at myself. I look at all the ways I don’t quite manage to be who I’d like to be for them. I am too anxious, too worried about making mistakes, too controlling, too much like my own mother, too much like my father, too perfectionist, too fearful, too quick to anger, too impatient, I have too high expectations, I’m too lazy, too idealistic, and basically have too many issues not to pass them on to my children.

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Can I Help, Mum?

14/10/2019

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“Can I help, mum?”

How many times have we heard this from our toddlers? When we're making dinner, hanging up the washing, cleaning the windows.

My daughter asks this as I am about to make some pizza dough for dinner tonight.

I hesitate. It would be so much easier, cleaner, and quicker on my own - but can I say yes?

This time I can (sometimes we can't).

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Toddler wanted for full-time role

7/10/2019

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It’s Wednesday, you and your toddler have had a busy morning doing the school run, going to the dentists, and playing at the park. You’re back home and your toddler wants a snack. You’ve offered them four snacks already and none of them are right. They are getting angry, you are getting angry. You can feel overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, bewildered, stressed…. Why won’t they just pick something and get on with it?
When you are locked in the midst of what feels like a power struggle with your toddler it can be totally overwhelming. Toddlers suddenly push back against every request and have strong opinions on everything from whether they should be dressed to what colour cup they want.

So, to understand what’s going on here let’s turn it around. Imagine that there’s a job advert for your family…

Toddler needed

A new position has arisen in our family for a specialist to join our team. A toddler is needed to bring a new dynamic to the family, increase the fun and noise levels and change the way we look at the world.

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Crying out for change:crying isn't a baby's only form of communication

“Am I a good enough parent?” (Spoiler alert: Yes, I am. But NOT just because I’m asking the question..)

Can I Help, Mum?

Toddler wanted for full-time role

Toddler needed

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The CalmFamily community blog

Categories

Archives

​Crying out for change:crying isn't a baby's only form of communication

“Am I a good enough parent?” (Spoiler alert: Yes, I am. But NOT just because I’m asking the question..)

Can I Help, Mum?

Toddler wanted for full-time role

Toddler needed

Categories

Archives

Company

Contact

​Receive our emails

Crying out for change:crying isn't a baby's only form of communication

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