M = Mummy
A true story of how fantasy bedtimes and real bedtimes happen!
Fantasy bedtime in my head
T: “Yes please Mummy! And look, I’m already in my pyjamas!”
M: [Reads story]
Toddler snuggles in and falls asleep after the second page.
T: Sweet little snores and snuffles.
M: [Lays toddler down, kisses her forehead and sighs with satisfaction.] Isn’t having little children wonderful?
*goes off to enjoy an uninterrupted meal, a chat with the husband and a glass of wine.*
How bedtime really happens (true story)
T: Insists on being undressed and pjs put on while upside down (not freaking easy!)
M: “Okay, we can have 2 stories”
T: Brings in 5 stories. Wants each one reading twice.
M: “Right, into bed we go!” *bracing self for inevitable drama to follow*
M: Lies down and closes eyes (while silently praying that toddler follows suit).
T: Starts crying as her lips can’t reach her brain to kiss it goodnight.
M: *Eyeroll* gives her a kiss and offers to stroke her head.
T: “Mummy stop scraping me!” (was actually stroking).
M: *Deep breath*… tries a cuddle instead.
T: “Get off me, your hands are cold!” M: *Sigh. Very. Deep. Sigh*
T: “Mummy, where is your brain? Does Daddy have a brain?”
T: *More crying* My hair won’t move and I can’t see my brain.
M: (To self) - ‘What the hell is with this brain thing?!’
T: Starts fake snoring.
M: *Holds breath*… will she fall asleep?
T: Jumps up and shouts “It’s morning time!”
M: Guess not.
T: “Mummy, are you my best friend?”
M: “Yes, sweetheart. Now lie down.”
T: “I AM!”
T: “Mummy, do you love me SO much?”
M: “Yes, lovely”
T: “Don’t say yes!”
M: “Okay, keep still and close your eyes.”
T: “I AM!”
M: Give me strength
T: “Mummy, lets do lots of kisses.”
M: “One kiss, it’s time for sleep now”
T: Breaks into rousing rendition of Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary.
T: “Mummy, who is Mary, Mary?”
M: Pretends to sleep and doesn’t answer.
T: “Mummy, cuddle me!” M: Puts arm around toddler.
T: Falls asleep in 5 seconds flat. (1 hour after bedtime started)
M: Now can’t move as so warm and sleepy, eyes cannot adjust to the light and it’s not worth eating anything as it’s pretty much bedtime for grown ups now too.
Better luck tomorrow!