Bedtime: A True Story

T = Toddler
M = Mummy 

A true story of how fantasy bedtimes and real bedtimes happen! 

Fantasy bedtime in my head

M: “Okay, darling it’s bedtime. Why don’t we read this one lovely story?”
T: “Yes please Mummy! And look, I’m already in my pyjamas!”
M: [Reads story]
Toddler snuggles in and falls asleep after the second page.
T: Sweet little snores and snuffles.
M: [Lays toddler down, kisses her forehead and sighs with satisfaction.] Isn’t having little children wonderful?
*goes off to enjoy an uninterrupted meal, a chat with the husband and a glass of wine.*

How bedtime really happens (true story)

M: “Let’s put our pyjamas on and get nice and snuggly!”
T: Insists on being undressed and pjs put on while upside down (not freaking easy!)
M: “Okay, we can have 2 stories”
T: Brings in 5 stories. Wants each one reading twice.
M: “Right, into bed we go!” *bracing self for inevitable drama to follow*
**in bed**
M: Lies down and closes eyes (while silently praying that toddler follows suit).
T: Starts crying as her lips can’t reach her brain to kiss it goodnight.
M: *Eyeroll* gives her a kiss and offers to stroke her head.
T: “Mummy stop scraping me!” (was actually stroking).
M: *Deep breath*… tries a cuddle instead.
T: “Get off me, your hands are cold!” M: *Sigh. Very. Deep. Sigh*
T: “Mummy, where is your brain? Does Daddy have a brain?”
M: *Snigger*
T: *More crying* My hair won’t move and I can’t see my brain. 
M: (To self) - ‘What the hell is with this brain thing?!’
T: Starts fake snoring.
M: *Holds breath*… will she fall asleep?
T: Jumps up and shouts “It’s morning time!”
M: Guess not.
T: “Mummy, are you my best friend?”
M: “Yes, sweetheart. Now lie down.”
T: “I AM!”
T: “Mummy, do you love me SO much?”
M: “Yes, lovely”
T: “Don’t say yes!”
M: WTAF?!
M: “Okay, keep still and close your eyes.”
T: “I AM!” 
​M: Give me strength
T: “Mummy, lets do lots of kisses.”
M: “One kiss, it’s time for sleep now”
T: Breaks into rousing rendition of Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary.
M: FML 
T: “Mummy, who is Mary, Mary?”
M: Pretends to sleep and doesn’t answer.
T: “Mummy, cuddle me!” M: Puts arm around toddler.
T: Falls asleep in 5 seconds flat. (1 hour after bedtime started)
M: Now can’t move as so warm and sleepy, eyes cannot adjust to the light and it’s not worth eating anything as it’s pretty much bedtime for grown ups now too.

​Better luck tomorrow!
​

Lauren Partington - CalmFamily York & North Yorkshire

Lauren was born and raised in South Africa before moving to York to attend university; where she fell in love with the city (and her now husband). After almost a decade as a primary school teacher, Lauren left education of one kind and moved into another. Now a certified CalmFamily parenting consultant and owner of 'Extraordinary [Ordinary] Mum', Lauren supports mothers find their calm, understand their children and build a life based on strong, positive principles. She's the proud mother to two feisty children who have taught her what the parenting books never could... what being a mother really means.

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