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Indoor Activities you can play with a ball

1/4/2020

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When I was coming up with ideas for this I couldn't help by recall my mum's voice in my head from my childhood; No ball games in the house! Now, we all have different feeling round things like throwing and catching games indoors and it's probably a good idea to think about your own boundaries and what you feel comfortable with before you embark on these activities. (And, if you're not comfortable with ball games in the house at all, you can always play them outside.)

For me, while I wouldn't advocate a full on game of football with a leather ball in the living room, I'm happy with soft balls and other soft items being thrown, caught and rolled. I tend to do these in the kitchen or hallway as that's where we have the biggest open spaces and least items that small folk can hurt themselves on or can get broken. So, that's the basis that I've worked on with these activities.

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Simple games with wooden blocks

30/3/2020

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Everyone has some sort of building blocks right? Even if you don't there's bound to be something in your house that you can use instead. In this series of blogs the aim is to get you thinking creatively about the materials you have to hand and how you can use them in different ways to play with your children.

At at time when it's difficult if not impossible for some to get out of the house and add to your collection of available resources, its really helping me to improvise with what we have. If you've already read the Lego blog, a lot of those activities will also work with wooden block and vice versa. There are so many possibilities for creating games and activities with these simple materials without costing you a penny. 

Once you've done a couple of them with your small people and given them some inspiration as to what they can do with the blocks, it's likely they'll start coming up with ideas and adaptations of their own. So, you can grab yourself a well earned cuppa or get in half hour of email catch up in (works for me about 50% of the time anyway!)
​

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Alternative activities with tech

27/3/2020

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It's been the subject of many a conversation over the last week or so; tech, screen time, devices… To impose limits or not to impose limits? To allow more freedom and flexibility or not? Now, I'm not actually here to tell you the answer to that I'm afraid. Striking a balance and what works for you and your family is the key here and only you know what's best.
 
What I can offer you, however is some ideas for using tech in ways that might not spring to mind immediately. When we think of devices and screen time we tend to default to thinking we are somehow doing something wrong. The activities we tend to associate with them is watching cartoons and playing games.
 
It's so much more than that, my small folk love tech and so do I. There's a whole world of things out there for you can learn and do and discover!
​

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Store Cupboard Play Dough

26/3/2020

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​My small folk love play dough, it's one of those activities that will literally entertain my 3 and 4 year old for a good hour or so. I've always made my own, something I started, mainly due to cost when my, now teens were small and I've been doing it ever since. I can knock up a batch of this in less than 10 minutes for pennies which, when money is tight makes a big difference.
 
I also find it doesn't dry out as quickly as the commercial stuff and the recipe is very forgiving of you not having quite the right ingredients! That's quite handy at the moment when nipping to the shop for supplies isn't practical or even possible.
 
I use a cooked method for making play dough, there are lots of other methods on the internet and I'm not saying this one is the best, but it is the best one I've tried. It's pretty foolproof and lasts well for a month or so in a sandwich bag so you will get lots of play sessions from a single batch.

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Activities with a pen and a piece of paper

25/3/2020

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This really is as simple as it sounds! These are all activities that you can do easily at home with a pen and a piece of paper and that can be really flexible it doesn't need to be a pen and there are loads of different options when it comes to paper. There is no additional equipment required today, in order to do all the activities listed here, you will need.

A pen

If you don't have a pen, then a pencil, pencil crayon, felt tip, marker pen, was crayon, piece of charcoal literally anything you can use for mark making.
​

Paper

Any paper is fine and can be used and adapted for the activities here. You can use printer paper, sugar paper, card, scrap paper, the back of an envelope, an old colouring book, a note pad or old diary, anything you can draw on will work just fine.

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Activities With Lego

24/3/2020

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​The idea behind this is to get you thinking about really simple stuff you can do with your small folk that really is no cost and involves only the things that you have lying around at home. This involves a bit of creative thinking and using what you've got in a different way. I'm going to try and help you to not feel restricted by not having the 'right' things available and learn to improvise with what you have to hand instead.
​
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​To do all these activities you will need

10 lego bricks per person - If you don't have lego/duplo them wooden blocks or stickle bricks or dominoes or jenga or anything that you can stack up basically.
 
A dice - if you don't have one, perhaps check your board games you may find one there, or a spinner from a game or even a random number generator on your phone will work.
 
A tea towel - or a muslin square or a sheet of paper or some kitchen towel or a
​t-shirt. Anything that you can use to cover things up
 
Tape - or string or a ruler or a piece of paper or the edge of your rug, anything you can mark a straight line with.
​

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Emergency budgeting

23/3/2020

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​​​​​​Things are really scary at the moment and lots of us have money worries right now. If you're off work because you're self isolating, if you have Corona virus, if your workplace is shut or your self employed you might be really concerned about your finances. I'm hoping that this will also come in handy (as it has in the past for me) when I've had a really bad month or the car has had to be replaced or I've had an unexpected bill as a way to make it through in the short term.

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Announcement: CalmFamily is growing

17/3/2020

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We are hugely excited to announce that...

CalmFamily and It’s A Sling Thing are merging to create CalmFamily LTD, one organisation dedicated to supporting families in the UK, and as we work together, globally.

Our two companies have been working together closely for the last year and with an aligned vision we are ready to take the next steps together. This merger will be finalised on 24th March 2020. Through research, education, and support,

CalmFamily brings evidence-based knowledge of human needs and development, and individualised strategies, to families and professionals, so as to create a world where humans can lead calmer and more equal lives.

The CalmFamily values of Evidence, Equality, Empathy, Empowerment, Excellence and Ethics will underpin all the work we do together. We will be continuing to work as a social enterprise, with our company structured to ensure that part of all profits will be reinvested into community projects to support families. The company will continue to provide all the services we are now. The excellent CalmFamily training, the support of the CalmFamily consultant community and development of new programs, the shop retailing ethical and useful products and the online sling library and advice service. For the short term we will continue to trade under separate names but there will be a move to trade solely as CalmFamily, with the launch of a new website later in 2020. All current memberships of CalmFamily and of It’s A Sling Thing will remain valid with the same terms. All bookings of training and sling hires will remain valid. For now, business will continue as usual. We plan to develop the services we offer and will continue to keep you updated with any and all changes.

​We are incredibly grateful for your continued support of both CalmFamily and It’s A Sling Thing and hope that you will continue to support us as we move the CalmFamily community together. If you have any queries please get in touch with us at hq@calmfamily.org
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A neuropsychological theory of human needs

24/2/2020

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​In this article I will outline a new neuropsychological theory of human needs, based on first hand observations of working with children and families, and through analysis of recent neuro-scientific research, and a systematic review of almost a century of psychological theories of human needs. This article does not outline the research, only presents the theory and starts to apply it to assist you in understanding children’s behaviour. If you want to read an explanation of why I have produced my own theory of human needs, including a brief analysis of the research, articles will be published on my personal website.​

I am in the process of putting the research into an academic paper, which I will seek to have published. I will also be seeking to apply for funding and ethical approval to carry out primary research to investigate the validity of my theory further. If you find this theory helpful, and want to use it or talk about it, please attribute it to me appropriately. If you are interested in helping with this project, please feel free to get in contact, my details are at the bottom.

The basis of the theory

The basis of this theory is that fundamentally, all humans have a “simple” need to be regulated, and that our need to regulate ourselves, is the driver of all our behaviour. The real questions then become; what is it that we are needing to regulate, and what is needed for that regulation to take place. Only then can we start to understand human behaviour.​

I propose that there are five key areas of regulation:
  1. Physical
  2. Sensory
  3. Cognitive
  4. Emotional
  5. Psychological

We need to understand what elements are needed in order to be regulated in that area. However, it is first important to understand that all human factors interact with each other, so needs do not and cannot happen in isolation from each other. Everything impacts our psychology, and our psychology impacts everything. As an example, being hungry impacts our emotions, heightens our perception of smell and taste, impacts how able we are to think, and changes our behaviour. 
​
This happens because all of these elements are interpreted by our brains. Our neurology is everything. This means that equally, if we are feeling psychologically disconnected, it will likely impact our eating behaviour, how our brains process sensory information and the impact of our emotions on our behaviour. This also happens in our brain. 

For this reason, my needs theory is derived both from studying human behaviour, and from studying the brain; neuropsychology. I have identified seven fundamental human needs, which are neuropsychological and you will see that “regulation” is one of them, and therefore, all of the above areas of regulation, are in fact included within the theory, not separate from it.
​

The Wilding neuropsychological human needs

The seven fundamental human needs, I have identified are:
  • Regulation

  1. Protection

  1. Predictability
​
  1. Connection

  1. Recognition

  1. Autonomy
​
  1. Novelty
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I will describe each of these in details below.

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The Big Siblling Party: Avoiding Sibling Rivalry

3/2/2020

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We were not the first to have the idea of the big sister party (there are other blogs out there if you search for them) but certainly in our circle of family and friends we hadn't come across anyone else who had done this. But for us this option appealed and I think that the time and effort involved were well worth it. And it was fun!

Having a second child is (another) massive change to your way of life. You have hopefully got into the groove with your current family size, and then there's another person to factor in. It is even more momentous for the elder sibling. Most have never known any different family or way of life. Some children are absolutely fine with the change and show no issues adapting to the new arrival, some show an improvement in behaviour, but some, of course, really struggle with the changes that happen when a new brother or sister arrives.

It was impossible to know exactly how our child would react - the same applies to everyone, really - so we had planned to do something special even before the second one came along to celebrate their new role as big sister, and to make them feel an important part of the change.

So, here is my recipe for a big sibling party (BSP).



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​Why is my toddler throwing things down the toilet!? A guide to toddler behaviour

21/1/2020

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I am a mother to a wonderfully feisty 2 year old. A 2 year old who engages in behaviour that at times I am amazed and in awe of, but which at other times leaves me frustrated and exasperated.
 
If you are a parent of young children I am sure you have experienced these same feelings and you know exactly what behaviour I am talking about… the throwing of hard toys at your head, mashing and smearing banana everywhere, climbing on all the furniture and emptying packets of rice/flour/whatever they find in the kitchen all over the floor! Let’s also not forget dropping things in the toilet and hanging upside down!
​

If you are anything like I am, I am constantly asking Why!? Of my toddler, and the answer, is that there is actually a very good reason for these behaviours. Children have an intrinsic need for play, to explore their environment and help them to make sense of the world around them. These repeated patterns of behaviours are known as schemas and are an incredibly important part of your child's development.


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Buying for A Newborn: a gift guide with a difference

20/1/2020

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“What was your favourite gift you were given when your baby was born?” It’s a regular icebreaker question in parent and baby classes and the responses are always varied and interesting, and tell you a lot about your fellow parents, their values and their priorities.
 
For me, I had two answers. The first was a classic: a lovely colleague who had started quilting classes made my daughter an absolutely beautiful cot quilt, the sort of thing we will keep and treasure forever. Handmade gifts are a wonderful way of expressing care because of the time and love that goes into them.
 
My other answer was my most unexpected and probably least expensive gift: a good friend whose baby is exactly a year older than mine gave me a little care package. In it was a hand cream (“for all the extra hand washing”), a bottle of washing up liquid which she had accidentally discovered was great as a pre-wash stain treatment for baby poo, and some nappy rash cream (“good to have ready, just in case”). We were really lucky and we never needed the nappy rash cream, but we got through the hand cream within the first month, and I’ve shared the tip about the washing up liquid with most of my friends as they became parents too! What I loved was the thought behind the package. My friend and I have both moved away from where we grew up, and now live far apart, but it felt like a hug in a Jiffy bag. It’s fun buying cute baby outfits, but that’s what everyone does for new babies, and parents will likely have stocked up on most of what they need before the baby is born. My experience was it was so much nicer to get something that came from my friend’s experience of what it was like looking after a newborn in the cold winter months. It was also a gift for me and my husband (actually he used most of the hand cream). The message was: “look after the parents”. Looking back, the same friend also recommended books I found really helpful, like those by La Leche League about sleep and breastfeeding, and most of all, a really responsive WhatsApp conversation which reassured me at various difficult moments. Connection and support, in different forms, was what I valued the most.



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Raise Yourself Before You Raise Your Kids

13/1/2020

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I first came across this phrase a couple of years ago when I was watching a Sadhaguru video on Youtube and my daughter was still very small. He spoke of how we cannot expect our children to be a certain way, if we are not, we do not need to direct our efforts of teaching onto our children for them to learn.
 
Our children are like sponges they absorb and take in everything around them, they learn to talk and walk without us physically or directly teaching them. They have picked up how to say goodbye or hello as they have seen us do it so many times.


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Problematic praise vs real recognition - how to motivate your child

6/1/2020

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We are in a society that has almost exclusively moved away from any physical punishment of children in the name of discipline (yay) with Scotland, Wales and the Channel Islands making “smacking” against the law this year (catch up England). Furthermore, lots of parents are now recognising that shouting, shaming and almost all punitive corrections are also, at best, not achieving what we want and at worst, harmful in both the short and long term. Many parents know to try and stay positive and so reward and praise have become the “go to” for getting children to do, and not do, what we want them to.

There is a problem though, and I was once the person who sat there and cried,

“if I don’t have those, what the hell do I have?”.

​Listen up. It is going to be ok.
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​In this article I am going to take you through how reward and praise aren’t always the best choice, and then I am going to tell you just how to give your child the recognition they need, making them more likely to do what you want, and more importantly, it could make them want to do what you want them to…
​


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10 Top Tips on Toddler Eating

9/12/2019

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10 tips on how to help your toddler have a healthy relationship with food
 
1 Trust your child
We need to trust our children to know when they are hungry and when they are not. It's important we allow them to listen to their body signals.
Portion sizes for toddlers are much less than we think. And they take on all the nutrients they need over the course of a week rather than each day. All you have to do it make sure you are offering a variety of healthy food.
 
2 Keep the emotion out of it.
It is really important not to praise a child for eating. This can set up food as a reward or a comfort when unhappy, which may lead to comfort eating later in life. It is also important not to punish children for not eating. Creating negative associations with food is likely to increase any strugles you have with your child's eating habits. If you feel the need to comment then simply say what you see. ‘You've eaten all your peas’.
 
3 Offer ‘safe’ foods with every meal
Toddlers reduce the variety of food they will eat from around 18 months until 5 years of age. This is a biological mechanism which is designed to keep them safe. They only eat foods they have regularly eaten or can recognise. When providing your toddler with a meal you are not sure they will like, offer them some ‘safe’ foods alongside it so there is  always something they are happy to eat available.. Don't stop offering them foods because they don't eat them, they have to see and experience a food many times before they add it to their safe category. 

4 Develop your nutrition awareness
Did you know that peas have protein? And vitamin C, and vitamin B, and vitamin A, and iron, and fibre, and magnesium and carbohydrates. Knowing what nutrients your child is actually getting from the foods they like, means you can worry less about the foods they don't like. Make a list of their favourite foods and research what nutrients they are getting. And it's ok if they eat the same foods every week or day. They don't get as bored with meals as we do.
 
5 Involve them in the prep/ cooking
Children are more likely to eat meals if they know what has gone into making it and they feel involved in the process. They also often want to eat the food as you are prepping and so this is another opportunity to increase their healthy food intake.
 
6 Don't make some foods better than others (sweet pudding after meal)
By only offering sweet treats after the savoury and only if they have eaten a certain amount of food you may be making the sweet treat seem more appealing and therefore suggesting the negativity of the savoury food offered. If a pudding is offered, make it equal to the main, whether served at the same time, or offered regardless of the main being finished.
 
7 Rethink snacks
Rethink what you offer for snacks. Snacks are another opportunity to add nutrients.  Make them healthy and larger, so your children have five similar size meals instead of three, with two snacks. Children's stomachs are smaller and they can't eat as much, so tend to need to eat more often than adults.
 
8 Don't have foods in the house they can't have 
If you have foods in your house that your child is likely to ask for lots that you feel they shouldn't have, remove them from the house. Only eating them when out, or once in a while and not having them readily available will reduce the likelihood of your child choosing them over healthier options, and it will reduce a lot of stress and tension between you too.
 
9 Encourage independence
This allows them to be in control of their body's needs and respond to them appropriately. Create somewhere for the snacks (for that day) to be accessible, they can then take themselves to eat when they feel hungry without asking. Place a water jug, bottle or dispenser on a low table for constant access. Putting the food in a serving dish at a meal time and allowing everyone to serve themselves gives children some control over their meals and may increase he range of foods they are willing to try.
 
10 Eat with them
If you are wanting your child to eat certain foods they need to see this modelled. It important to try to eat meals together as a family. They see it's a time for eating, they see the foods you eat and build them into their safe foods category, they can also see how others eat with cutlery and observe mealtime etiquette, and will begin to copy this too.

Kristy Munday​- Raising Myself and ToddlerCalm Cambourne

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I'm Kristy, Mummy to Lana and wife to James, and we live just outside Cambridge. I am passionate about becoming compassionate in all aspects of my life, to children to adults, to the environment and to animals. I also love being outside in nature (when it's not too rainy, cold or hot), watching a movie, reading a book and generally sitting doing nothing. I am here to help support parents in the most challenging times, and help them to parent the way they want to, confidently, compassionately and consciously.

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Christmas gifts for newborn babies

2/12/2019

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A quick Google of the ‘top ten christmas gifts for babies’ or ‘stocking fillers for babies' will bring up all manner of ideas from baby gyms to personalised sleepsuits and all sorts of other sundry items. But what do newborn babies really want? The answer is really not a lot, when they are so little they have needs, not wants and absolutely all of these can be met by the nurturing care of their parents.

Now, personally, I’m all for just not buying the newborn baby anything, I’m very anti buying stuff for the sake of stuff. However if you do want to give a christmas gift to a newborn, perhaps you give gifts to older siblings and don’t want to miss the little one out or maybe their parents bought for your baby so now you want to do the same for them, whatever the motivation, how can you choose something that is really going to be something useful and not just end up in the landfill along with the vast array of other Christmas nic-nacs we buy so frivolously at this time of year?

I had a really good think back to when my little ones had their first Christmases and sure enough, for the most part I have to be honest and say I really can’t remember much. While that might say something about my memory, or more lack of it, I think it says more about the gifts themselves. Disposable items and novelty gifts, that while I’m grateful somebody took the time to choose for my baby, really just amounted to more waste creation in the long run. However, there were a few that stuck, my eldest still has an Eeyore teddy brought for her first christmas and I remember being given a toaster one year by a friend that had noticed mine had broken.

We all get suckered into the commercialism and need to buy things for people to show we care when really we do it all year round without needing to be prompted.
So, what do we do about it? If not buying really isn’t an option, here’s my suggestions for making it meaningful. Some of the greatest gifts my children and I have recieved over the years have been the smallest or haven’t even been things at all.

Is there somthing the parents want?

Its absolutely ok to ask if the parents have any ideas for things they might want. It might be that their baby showed an interest in a particular toy at a group they went to or they really would like a christmas outfit for their newborn. Perhaps they are saving for something bigger that you could contribute to, a newborn photo shoot or a few days away as a family.
​
It does take away from the element of surprise, however it does mean you know it’s something they genuinely want and are going to appreciate. I know some of these things might not seem like they’re ‘for' the baby but babies really don’t need things, contributing to the family is just as special.

Is there something the parents need?

​It can be tricky to shift focus from the baby to the adults, but actually a gift of something that is needed by the baby's parents can really take the pressure and stress off which will benefit everyone. Maybe they need the next size up baby grows or cot bedding or perhaps they’re saving for a baby carrier or buggy or microwave or whatever that you could chip in for.
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I know practical gifts aren’t often as exciting, but they will be very much appreciated if they are something the recipients really need.

Give your time!

Is there something that you could do with or for the baby and their family? This doesn’t have to be anything massive or extravagant. You could offer to take older siblings out for the afternoon to give the parents some time with their newborn, You could cook a meal, help decorate a bedroom, crochet a blanket, arrange a day out together.
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The possibilities here really are endless and the only limit is your imagination and creativity. It can also be a really nice way of having something to look forward to in the new year and spreads christmas gifting throughout the coming year. One of the nicest ‘Christmas presents' we ever had as a family was a day at the zoo in June!

Keep it small and meaningful

Still stuck for ideas? My go-to here are small gifts that have been carefully thought about. It can be difficult if you’ve been given no direction at all, but if you know the parents well, you'll have an idea of things they might like. Mixing in some practicality, sentiment and fun; a set of leg warmers in a funky pattern, a book you used to enjoy as a child, a framed photo of them with their baby, a stocking they can use year after year.
​
Whatever it is you choose, keep the receipt and be happy to hand it over. Though it may seem harsh, it isn’t ungrateful. Better to say that something doesn’t quite fit or isn’t to someone’s taste it than to have it sit unloved and unused till it ends up in the bin. That way it can be swapped for something that is wanted or needed and there’s no need to feel bad, everyone gets it wrong sometimes... A couple of years ago my son asked for a dressing gown, I spent ages choosing the one I thought was right for him; it was the wrong size, he hated the colour and it was too fluffy!
A gift is a great way to show you care and we are conditioned to want to shower new arrivals with gifts, but keep in mind that what the gift signifies, your love for the family, is so much more important than what is inside the wrapping paper. There are many ways to show people you care, so whether you choose to buy something, or nothing, we hope the newborns and their families feel showered with love this Christmas, and always.

​Jeni Atkinson- CalmFamily Derby and Nottingham

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Jeni is a wonderful, compassionate and inspiring woman: "Just because our parenting is gentle doesn’t mean it doesn’t make a difference, the way we raise our children will impact how they feel about themselves & the choices they make as they grow up. I want to see things change in their lifetime, I want to fight back against the childist views of our patriarchal society, I want to see a world where children are allowed their own autonomy, that lets them learn for themselves & make their own mistakes. A society where diversity in all its forms is celebrated, where neurodiversity, mental health, sex & sexuality, gender, politics & all these subjects that are shied away from are talked about openly. A society where parents are inspired & supported to  make the choices that work from them & their families. Oh & save the planet at the same time!" 

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Festive Calm: Calming Big Feelings in the Festive Season

25/11/2019

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​When a special holiday comes around, in particular the festive season, it is really common for our children to have big feelings. If you have children who are old enough to get excited, I’m pretty sure that you’ll have experienced this strange phenomenon. If you have a toddler, maybe you’ve noticed they seem unusually overwhelmed. It’s likely that you; like me, will have wondered why on earth your children are behaving so out of character, when you’re trying so hard to make this time of year so magical for them! 
  
Don’t worry; it is not just your child, or your family, that struggles around special occasions. There are lots of reasons why this can happen in the most happy, joyful occasions so I am talking about managing everyone’s big feelings to restore a feeling of calm to an intense period. 
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Why lasagne is better than a baby grow

18/11/2019

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When I had my first baby, I was clueless about what babies really needed and also clueless about what I would really need. I ended up with an emergency caesarean birth and when I got home from the hospital, I was a mess. I was in love with my tiny baby but also reeling from the shock of it all, in pain daily, struggling with breastfeeding, not sleeping and unable to get about much. 
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​I had people wanting to come and meet my new baby and see me and I agreed in a haze. Most people just came over, sat on the sofa and chatted, drank tea and had a cuddle with the baby. They brought cute outfits and toys as gifts for my daughter. These were all appreciated but piled up in the unused nursery whilst baby slept on my chest each night as I laid awake stressing about why she wasn’t sleeping. ​​


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The benefits of open ended toys

11/11/2019

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Big manufacturing companies have led us to believe that in order to optimise our children's development we need to buy toys that are specially designed for educational purposes, but actually this is the opposite of what play experts have found.
 
Children and babies learn more and respond better when they are exploring everyday objects, particularly natural objects, such as sticks, pine cones, stones, and what might be described as open ended toys.
 


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Calm Co-Parenting

4/11/2019

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Parenting with your partner is hard, but when it's your ex-partner you're working with to raise your children things get a whole new level of complicated. I have a whole set of ex-partners that I'm co-parenting with, well 3 to be precise and I'll be the first to admit I don't get it right every time, far from it in fact. 
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​There are reasons these people are my ex-partners, but that's not what's important here. I have children that I'm parenting with these people, so my focus on how I feel about them as partners, as people, has to be shifted so that the emphasis is on how to work with them as parents. It's far from easy and there are always big emotions involved on both sides, but I have found way to make things easier, here are my top tips 


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​Crying out for change:crying isn't a baby's only form of communication

28/10/2019

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It's 2am, dark, quiet, still. You are sleeping. You are dreaming of being alone on a beach somewhere, its warm, quiet and there's no kids in sight; everything is wonderful and rosy as you skip along the sand. You look at the seagulls on the rocks and smile. Suddenly one of the seagulls let's out an almighty screech, it's so loud it makes you jump,  it's screaming now, wailing at you. You wake up with a start, completely confused and disorientated. You're not on a beach, you're in your bedroom and the screaming isn’t a seagull, it's your baby in the next room. You quickly jump out of bed and run to baby's room and pick them up. You try to feed them. They're already so upset that it's so hard to latch them on and the crying is ear piercing, it cuts through the night air and your entire being like a knife. You struggle and feel flustered and angry, you want to cry too.
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The sound of a baby crying is probably one of our least favourite sounds ever. As humans we are programmed to hate the sound so that we will react accordingly to try to help the baby. It doesn't help that as a society we have also been conditioned to be averse to crying and to see it as a weakness or negative trait; so often, on top of the actual dislike of the noise, we are also triggered by babies crying and it can make us feel irrationally angry or upset ourselves.


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“Am I a good enough parent?” (Spoiler alert: Yes, I am. But NOT just because I’m asking the question..)

21/10/2019

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 I am a parent.
Sometimes I think I’m a great parent.
At other times not so much.
I seem able to be a not-so-good parent in four different ways.

n the first kind I am simply dropping balls. Leaving lunch behind. Getting half way through cooking the supper they really want to discover we’re missing a key ingredient. Being late. Getting the date wrong for a party and missing it. Everyday mum guilt type of stuff.

The second type has me losing my cool. I hear myself yell at my kids, using threats, shaming, my own frustration spilling over and landing firmly on their little selves.

Thirdly there are the moments of watching something I’m getting wrong or working through impact on them. Such as my own relationship struggles with their Dad. Or with their Granny. Maybe choosing a change of job that means moving house, or moving school. Seeing my own choices or failings cause my children a whole extra run of hurdles to get over.

And lastly there are the times when I look at myself. I look at all the ways I don’t quite manage to be who I’d like to be for them. I am too anxious, too worried about making mistakes, too controlling, too much like my own mother, too much like my father, too perfectionist, too fearful, too quick to anger, too impatient, I have too high expectations, I’m too lazy, too idealistic, and basically have too many issues not to pass them on to my children.

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Can I Help, Mum?

14/10/2019

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​“Can I help, mum?”

How many times have we heard this from our toddlers? When we're making dinner, hanging up the washing, cleaning the windows.

My daughter asks this as I am about to make some pizza dough for dinner tonight.

I hesitate. It would be so much easier, cleaner, and quicker on my own - but can I say yes?

This time I can (sometimes we can't).




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Toddler wanted for full-time role

7/10/2019

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It’s Wednesday, you and your toddler have had a busy morning doing the school run, going to the dentists, and playing at the park. You’re back home and your toddler wants a snack. You’ve offered them four snacks already and none of them are right. They are getting angry, you are getting angry. You can feel overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, bewildered, stressed…. Why won’t they just pick something and get on with it? 
When you are locked in the midst of what feels like a power struggle with your toddler it can be totally overwhelming. Toddlers suddenly push back against every request and have strong opinions on everything from whether they should be dressed to what colour cup they want. 

So, to understand what’s going on here 
let’s turn it around. Imagine that there’s a job advert for your family… 

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Toddler needed

A new position has arisen in our family for a specialist to join our team. A toddler is needed to bring a new dynamic to the family, increase the fun and noise levels and change the way we look at the world. ​

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Why does my child misbehave for me?

30/9/2019

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Ever had someone say ‘oh they never behave like that with me’ or ‘they start playing up as soon as you arrive’ ?


Does your toddler or child act differently around you, especially in those moments that you’ve collected them from nursery, school or grandparents? Are you the only person they hit or bite or talk back to? 


Well, I’ve got something to tell you... 
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