When I was coming up with ideas for this I couldn't help by recall my mum's voice in my head from my childhood; No ball games in the house! Now, we all have different feeling round things like throwing and catching games indoors and it's probably a good idea to think about your own boundaries and what you feel comfortable with before you embark on these activities. (And, if you're not comfortable with ball games in the house at all, you can always play them outside.)

For me, while I wouldn't advocate a full on game of football with a leather ball in the living room, I'm happy with soft balls and other soft items being thrown, caught and rolled. I tend to do these in the kitchen or hallway as that's where we have the biggest open spaces and least items that small folk can hurt themselves on or can get broken. So, that's the basis that I've worked on with these activities.

It's been the subject of many a conversation over the last week or so; tech, screen time, devices… To impose limits or not to impose limits? To allow more freedom and flexibility or not? Now, I'm not actually here to tell you the answer to that I'm afraid. Striking a balance and what works for you and your family is the key here and only you know what's best.
 
What I can offer you, however is some ideas for using tech in ways that might not spring to mind immediately. When we think of devices and screen time we tend to default to thinking we are somehow doing something wrong. The activities we tend to associate with them is watching cartoons and playing games.
 
It's so much more than that, my small folk love tech and so do I. There's a whole world of things out there for you can learn and do and discover!
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​My small folk love play dough, it's one of those activities that will literally entertain my 3 and 4 year old for a good hour or so. I've always made my own, something I started, mainly due to cost when my, now teens were small and I've been doing it ever since. I can knock up a batch of this in less than 10 minutes for pennies which, when money is tight makes a big difference.
 
I also find it doesn't dry out as quickly as the commercial stuff and the recipe is very forgiving of you not having quite the right ingredients! That's quite handy at the moment when nipping to the shop for supplies isn't practical or even possible.
 
I use a cooked method for making play dough, there are lots of other methods on the internet and I'm not saying this one is the best, but it is the best one I've tried. It's pretty foolproof and lasts well for a month or so in a sandwich bag so you will get lots of play sessions from a single batch.

10 lego bricks per person - If you don't have lego/duplo them wooden blocks or stickle bricks or dominoes or jenga or anything that you can stack up basically.
 
A dice - if you don't have one, perhaps check your board games you may find one there, or a spinner from a game or even a random number generator on your phone will work.
 
A tea towel - or a muslin square or a sheet of paper or some kitchen towel or a
​t-shirt. Anything that you can use to cover things up
 
Tape - or string or a ruler or a piece of paper or the edge of your rug, anything you can mark a straight line with.
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​​​​​​Things are really scary at the moment and lots of us have money worries right now. If you're off work because you're self isolating, if you have Corona virus, if your workplace is shut or your self employed you might be really concerned about your finances. I'm hoping that this will also come in handy (as it has in the past for me) when I've had a really bad month or the car has had to be replaced or I've had an unexpected bill as a way to make it through in the short term.

​In this article I will outline a new neuropsychological theory of human needs, based on first hand observations of working with children and families, and through analysis of recent neuro-scientific research, and a systematic review of almost a century of psychological theories of human needs. This article does not outline the research, only presents the theory and starts to apply it to assist you in understanding children’s behaviour. If you want to read an explanation of why I have produced my own theory of human needs, including a brief analysis of the research, articles will be published on my personal website.​

I am in the process of putting the research into an academic paper, which I will seek to have published. I will also be seeking to apply for funding and ethical approval to carry out primary research to investigate the validity of my theory further. If you find this theory helpful, and want to use it or talk about it, please attribute it to me appropriately. If you are interested in helping with this project, please feel free to get in contact, my details are at the bottom.

The basis of this theory is that fundamentally, all humans have a “simple” need to be regulated, and that our need to regulate ourselves, is the driver of all our behaviour. The real questions then become; what is it that we are needing to regulate, and what is needed for that regulation to take place. Only then can we start to understand human behaviour.​

I propose that there are five key areas of regulation:

1. Physical
2. Sensory
3. Cognitive
4. Emotional
5. Psychological

We need to understand what elements are needed in order to be regulated in that area. However, it is first important to understand that all human factors interact with each other, so needs do not and cannot happen in isolation from each other. Everything impacts our psychology, and our psychology impacts everything. As an example, being hungry impacts our emotions, heightens our perception of smell and taste, impacts how able we are to think, and changes our behaviour. 
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This happens because all of these elements are interpreted by our brains. Our neurology is everything. This means that equally, if we are feeling psychologically disconnected, it will likely impact our eating behaviour, how our brains process sensory information and the impact of our emotions on our behaviour. This also also happens in our brain. 

For this reason, my needs theory is derived both from studying human behaviour, and from studying the brain; neuropsychology. I have identified seven fundamental human needs, which are neuropsychological and you will see that “regulation” is one of them, and therefore, all of the above areas of regulation, are in fact included within the theory, not separate from it.
​

“What was your favourite gift you were given when your baby was born?” It’s a regular icebreaker question in parent and baby classes and the responses are always varied and interesting, and tell you a lot about your fellow parents, their values and their priorities.
 
For me, I had two answers. The first was a classic: a lovely colleague who had started quilting classes made my daughter an absolutely beautiful cot quilt, the sort of thing we will keep and treasure forever. Handmade gifts are a wonderful way of expressing care because of the time and love that goes into them.
 
My other answer was my most unexpected and probably least expensive gift: a good friend whose baby is exactly a year older than mine gave me a little care package. In it was a hand cream (“for all the extra hand washing”), a bottle of washing up liquid which she had accidentally discovered was great as a pre-wash stain treatment for baby poo, and some nappy rash cream (“good to have ready, just in case”). We were really lucky and we never needed the nappy rash cream, but we got through the hand cream within the first month, and I’ve shared the tip about the washing up liquid with most of my friends as they became parents too! What I loved was the thought behind the package. My friend and I have both moved away from where we grew up, and now live far apart, but it felt like a hug in a Jiffy bag. It’s fun buying cute baby outfits, but that’s what everyone does for new babies, and parents will likely have stocked up on most of what they need before the baby is born. My experience was it was so much nicer to get something that came from my friend’s experience of what it was like looking after a newborn in the cold winter months. It was also a gift for me and my husband (actually he used most of the hand cream). The message was: “look after the parents”. Looking back, the same friend also recommended books I found really helpful, like those by La Leche League about sleep and breastfeeding, and most of all, a really responsive WhatsApp conversation which reassured me at various difficult moments. Connection and support, in different forms, was what I valued the most.

I first came across this phrase a couple of years ago when I was watching a Sadhaguru video on Youtube and my daughter was still very small. He spoke of how we cannot expect our children to be a certain way, if we are not, we do not need to direct our efforts of teaching onto our children for them to learn.
 
Our children are like sponges they absorb and take in everything around them, they learn to talk and walk without us physically or directly teaching them. They have picked up how to say goodbye or hello as they have seen us do it so many times.

10 tips on how to help your toddler have a healthy relationship with food
 
1 Trust your child
We need to trust our children to know when they are hungry and when they are not. It's important we allow them to listen to their body signals.
Portion sizes for toddlers are much less than we think. And they take on all the nutrients they need over the course of a week rather than each day. All you have to do it make sure you are offering a variety of healthy food.
 
2 Keep the emotion out of it.
It is really important not to praise a child for eating. This can set up food as a reward or a comfort when unhappy, which may lead to comfort eating later in life. It is also important not to punish children for not eating. Creating negative associations with food is likely to increase any strugles you have with your child's eating habits. If you feel the need to comment then simply say what you see. ‘You've eaten all your peas’.
 
3 Offer ‘safe’ foods with every meal
Toddlers reduce the variety of food they will eat from around 18 months until 5 years of age. This is a biological mechanism which is designed to keep them safe. They only eat foods they have regularly eaten or can recognise. When providing your toddler with a meal you are not sure they will like, offer them some ‘safe’ foods alongside it so there is  always something they are happy to eat available.. Don't stop offering them foods because they don't eat them, they have to see and experience a food many times before they add it to their safe category. 

I'm Kristy, Mummy to Lana and wife to James, and we live just outside Cambridge. I am passionate about becoming compassionate in all aspects of my life, to children to adults, to the environment and to animals. I also love being outside in nature (when it's not too rainy, cold or hot), watching a movie, reading a book and generally sitting doing nothing. I am here to help support parents in the most challenging times, and help them to parent the way they want to, confidently, compassionately and consciously.

A quick Google of the ‘top ten christmas gifts for babies’ or ‘stocking fillers for babies' will bring up all manner of ideas from baby gyms to personalised sleepsuits and all sorts of other sundry items. But what do newborn babies really want? The answer is really not a lot, when they are so little they have needs, not wants and absolutely all of these can be met by the nurturing care of their parents.

Now, personally, I’m all for just not buying the newborn baby anything, I’m very anti buying stuff for the sake of stuff. However if you do want to give a christmas gift to a newborn, perhaps you give gifts to older siblings and don’t want to miss the little one out or maybe their parents bought for your baby so now you want to do the same for them, whatever the motivation, how can you choose something that is really going to be something useful and not just end up in the landfill along with the vast array of other Christmas nic-nacs we buy so frivolously at this time of year?

I had a really good think back to when my little ones had their first Christmases and sure enough, for the most part I have to be honest and say I really can’t remember much. While that might say something about my memory, or more lack of it, I think it says more about the gifts themselves. Disposable items and novelty gifts, that while I’m grateful somebody took the time to choose for my baby, really just amounted to more waste creation in the long run. However, there were a few that stuck, my eldest still has an Eeyore teddy brought for her first christmas and I remember being given a toaster one year by a friend that had noticed mine had broken.

We all get suckered into the commercialism and need to buy things for people to show we care when really we do it all year round without needing to be prompted.
So, what do we do about it? If not buying really isn’t an option, here’s my suggestions for making it meaningful. Some of the greatest gifts my children and I have recieved over the years have been the smallest or haven’t even been things at all.

Its absolutely ok to ask if the parents have any ideas for things they might want. It might be that their baby showed an interest in a particular toy at a group they went to or they really would like a christmas outfit for their newborn. Perhaps they are saving for something bigger that you could contribute to, a newborn photo shoot or a few days away as a family.
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It does take away from the element of surprise, however it does mean you know it’s something they genuinely want and are going to appreciate. I know some of these things might not seem like they’re ‘for' the baby but babies really don’t need things, contributing to the family is just as special.

​It can be tricky to shift focus from the baby to the adults, but actually a gift of something that is needed by the baby's parents can really take the pressure and stress off which will benefit everyone. Maybe they need the next size up baby grows or cot bedding or perhaps they’re saving for a baby carrier or buggy or microwave or whatever that you could chip in for.
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I know practical gifts aren’t often as exciting, but they will be very much appreciated if they are something the recipients really need.

Is there something that you could do with or for the baby and their family? This doesn’t have to be anything massive or extravagant. You could offer to take older siblings out for the afternoon to give the parents some time with their newborn, You could cook a meal, help decorate a bedroom, crochet a blanket, arrange a day out together.
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The possibilities here really are endless and the only limit is your imagination and creativity. It can also be a really nice way of having something to look forward to in the new year and spreads christmas gifting throughout the coming year. One of the nicest ‘Christmas presents' we ever had as a family was a day at the zoo in June!

Still stuck for ideas? My go-to here are small gifts that have been carefully thought about. It can be difficult if you’ve been given no direction at all, but if you know the parents well, you'll have an idea of things they might like. Mixing in some practicality, sentiment and fun; a set of leg warmers in a funky pattern, a book you used to enjoy as a child, a framed photo of them with their baby, a stocking they can use year after year.
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Whatever it is you choose, keep the receipt and be happy to hand it over. Though it may seem harsh, it isn’t ungrateful. Better to say that something doesn’t quite fit or isn’t to someone’s taste it than to have it sit unloved and unused till it ends up in the bin. That way it can be swapped for something that is wanted or needed and there’s no need to feel bad, everyone gets it wrong sometimes... A couple of years ago my son asked for a dressing gown, I spent ages choosing the one I thought was right for him; it was the wrong size, he hated the colour and it was too fluffy!

A gift is a great way to show you care and we are conditioned to want to shower new arrivals with gifts, but keep in mind that what the gift signifies, your love for the family, is so much more important than what is inside the wrapping paper. There are many ways to show people you care, so whether you choose to buy something, or nothing, we hope the newborns and their families feel showered with love this Christmas, and always.

​When a special holiday comes around, in particular the festive season, it is really common for our children to have big feelings. If you have children who are old enough to get excited, I’m pretty sure that you’ll have experienced this strange phenomenon. If you have a toddler, maybe you’ve noticed they seem unusually overwhelmed. It’s likely that you; like me, will have wondered why on earth your children are behaving so out of character, when you’re trying so hard to make this time of year so magical for them! 

When I had my first baby, I was clueless about what babies really needed and also clueless about what I would really need. I ended up with an emergency caesarean birth and when I got home from the hospital, I was a mess. I was in love with my tiny baby but also reeling from the shock of it all, in pain daily, struggling with breastfeeding, not sleeping and unable to get about much. 

​I had people wanting to come and meet my new baby and see me and I agreed in a haze. Most people just came over, sat on the sofa and chatted, drank tea and had a cuddle with the baby. They brought cute outfits and toys as gifts for my daughter. These were all appreciated but piled up in the unused nursery whilst baby slept on my chest each night as I laid awake stressing about why she wasn’t sleeping. ​​

Big manufacturing companies have led us to believe that in order to optimise our children's development we need to buy toys that are specially designed for educational purposes, but actually this is the opposite of what play experts have found.
 
Children and babies learn more and respond better when they are exploring everyday objects, particularly natural objects, such as sticks, pine cones, stones, and what might be described as open ended toys.
 

Parenting with your partner is hard, but when it's your ex-partner you're working with to raise your children things get a whole new level of complicated. I have a whole set of ex-partners that I'm co-parenting with, well 3 to be precise and I'll be the first to admit I don't get it right every time, far from it in fact. 

​There are reasons these people are my ex-partners, but that's not what's important here. I have children that I'm parenting with these people, so my focus on how I feel about them as partners, as people, has to be shifted so that the emphasis is on how to work with them as parents. It's far from easy and there are always big emotions involved on both sides, but I have found way to make things easier, here are my top tips 

​“Can I help, mum?”

How many times have we heard this from our toddlers? When we're making dinner, hanging up the washing, cleaning the windows.

My daughter asks this as I am about to make some pizza dough for dinner tonight.

I hesitate. It would be so much easier, cleaner, and quicker on my own - but can I say yes?

This time I can (sometimes we can't).

A new position has arisen in our family for a specialist to join our team. A toddler is needed to bring a new dynamic to the family, increase the fun and noise levels and change the way we look at the world. ​