​“Can I help, mum?”

How many times have we heard this from our toddlers? When we're making dinner, hanging up the washing, cleaning the windows.

My daughter asks this as I am about to make some pizza dough for dinner tonight.

I hesitate. It would be so much easier, cleaner, and quicker on my own - but can I say yes?

This time I can (sometimes we can't).

A new position has arisen in our family for a specialist to join our team. A toddler is needed to bring a new dynamic to the family, increase the fun and noise levels and change the way we look at the world. ​

It’s not because they don’t love you or because you are ‘too soft’ it’s because YOU ARE THEIR SAFE PLACE! 

When you are around & they are in your company they can relax a little, let their guard down, start releasing all those emotions that they’ve been trying to keep a lid on all day! 

It’s so common to see children coming out of school & snapping at their parents or a toddler coming out of nursery to great their Mum with a tantrum or your teenager storming through the door & grumbling at Dad! But it’s not because they are impolite, it’s because they’ve had a hard day & simply don’t yet have the brain development to efficiently communicate that. 

Have you ever shouted at your partner as soon as they walk through the door? Ever cried as soon as your mum or Dad walk in, even as an adult? Ever felt that feeling of relief as you walk into your home, your safe place, after a draining or simply tiring day? 

Well to your child, YOU are their home, you are their safest place in the whole world! They don’t worry that you’ll stop loving them or caring for them if they are rude or throw a tantrum because they know, in their hearts, that you will always love them, and support them, unconditionally! 

So, next time you are greeted with a grunt or screaming toddler thrashing their arms about, SMILE, and respond to them with love & empathy for receiving those from your safe place are the greatest things on earth (especially when you are having a hard time!)

 As a first time mum nine and a half years ago, I remember looking down at my new baby boy and  thinking 'OK so now what do I do?' I’d been so caught up with pregnancy and birth I hadn’t quite thought about the responsibility I now had for another little human.

 I remember getting home and thinking ‘Shit, I now have to look after this little person who is going to depend on me totally!’ I had questions whizzing through my mind What nappies do I use?
 How will I feed him?
 Do I breastfeed or feed him with a bottle?
 If I use a bottle which formula shall I use?
 How do I sterilise the bottles?
 Shall I use a dummy? Or will it harm him?
 How long will he or should he sleep for?
 If I do things wrong, am I going to hurt him?
How will I know if he’s too cold or hot?
 Will I know why he’s crying?

 I remember my husband had a notepad, we wrote down every feed and description of poo. Everyone had their own views of what worked for them and as a new mum everyone felt the need to share. Everyone told me something different about what they did or didn’t do which blew my mind.  I remember reading The Contented Baby by Gina Ford and being led to believe that everyone was following it. I thought it was going to be the answer to everything, surely reading this I couldn’t go wrong?!

Whilst reading the book I wondered ‘how will I have a life if I follow all these rules about when my baby should sleep and feed?’
 ‘If I don’t follow the rules, am I not being a good mum, and will this cause me more problems? Then my baby might not sleep or feed at all?’
 I remember panicking and thinking people would think I had failed and was a rubbish mum, so I had to follow what she said, everyone else did, didn’t they?
 I remember that fear that if I changed something in the routine everything would fall apart. 

One thing I noted in my recent blog for It’s A Sling Thing was the phenomenon of “Mummy do it”.  As much as you may try to share the aspects of child rearing equally, your little one may make their preferences felt. Aside from being frustrating, this can lock the roles for different tasks in place. One way around this is to insist on taking turns. If you are consistent with this, it should become automatic, however, in the early days this can be frustrating & tedious. Nowhere is this more evident in our household than in the task of tooth brushing.

​What the hell are we doing to our kids?!
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Just imagine for a minute that you were a toddler again. Put yourself back there. Embrace the glory and gusto that being a toddler is…
​

 ‘Have you got everything ready for the baby?’​

It’s one of those questions that everyone asks expectant parents towards the end of pregnancy. And there seems to be an almost blanket acceptance that not only do babies need a lot of stuff, it’s also going to be really expensive! Then there’s all this pressure to make sure it’s all environmentally friendly too. It’s important to look after the planet, which obviously means the cost is going up even more, because handmade wooden toys and custom-made cots built from reclaimed timber and ethically sourced organic cotton baby grows don’t come cheap...!

 But what if I told you there are awesome ways to do all this in a more sustainable way, reduce waste, respect our planet and make it more cost effective? Well, that’s exactly what I’m going to do, because that’s what this blog is all about. Now I’m not knocking all those lovely things I just mentioned, however, as beautiful as they may be, and environmentally friendly as they might claim to be it’s still extra ‘stuff’ into the waste system. Being more eco-friendly is all about diversion away from the waste system, and I’m going to talk you through how you can use the waste hierarchy (a bit like Maslow’s Heirarch of Needs but all to do with avoiding throwing things away) to make more planet friendly choices about the things you choose for your new arrival. 

Q: My toddler has been getting angry and biting my 6 month old baby now for the past few weeks and I just don’t know what to do about it.  I have tried withdrawing attention from the toddler, ignoring the bad behaviour, taking the baby away to another room to have fun leaving toddler behind, getting toddler to explain why it was wrong and to say sorry to baby, and recently I have been sending toddler to his room as I am just too angry to cope with him any more.  Whatever approach I have tried seems to have no effect at all.  My toddler can explain why biting is wrong and apologise, and then five minutes later he bites again. What do I do?? My toddler is usually a loving kind boy, and the rest of the time he seems to really love his baby sister, and is very proud of her. 
​What is wrong with him? I am at my wits end!

Your arrival in this world felt dramatic and decisive. It was as if, once you’d decided it was time, there was no stopping you. Finding out we had a daughter was exquisite and terrifying, all rolled into one. And you’ve been a blessing ever since. ​