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The Big Siblling Party: Avoiding Sibling Rivalry

3/2/2020

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We were not the first to have the idea of the big sister party (there are other blogs out there if you search for them) but certainly in our circle of family and friends we hadn't come across anyone else who had done this. But for us this option appealed and I think that the time and effort involved were well worth it. And it was fun!

Having a second child is (another) massive change to your way of life. You have hopefully got into the groove with your current family size, and then there's another person to factor in. It is even more momentous for the elder sibling. Most have never known any different family or way of life. Some children are absolutely fine with the change and show no issues adapting to the new arrival, some show an improvement in behaviour, but some, of course, really struggle with the changes that happen when a new brother or sister arrives.

It was impossible to know exactly how our child would react - the same applies to everyone, really - so we had planned to do something special even before the second one came along to celebrate their new role as big sister, and to make them feel an important part of the change.

So, here is my recipe for a big sibling party (BSP).



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Buying for A Newborn: a gift guide with a difference

20/1/2020

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“What was your favourite gift you were given when your baby was born?” It’s a regular icebreaker question in parent and baby classes and the responses are always varied and interesting, and tell you a lot about your fellow parents, their values and their priorities.
 
For me, I had two answers. The first was a classic: a lovely colleague who had started quilting classes made my daughter an absolutely beautiful cot quilt, the sort of thing we will keep and treasure forever. Handmade gifts are a wonderful way of expressing care because of the time and love that goes into them.
 
My other answer was my most unexpected and probably least expensive gift: a good friend whose baby is exactly a year older than mine gave me a little care package. In it was a hand cream (“for all the extra hand washing”), a bottle of washing up liquid which she had accidentally discovered was great as a pre-wash stain treatment for baby poo, and some nappy rash cream (“good to have ready, just in case”). We were really lucky and we never needed the nappy rash cream, but we got through the hand cream within the first month, and I’ve shared the tip about the washing up liquid with most of my friends as they became parents too! What I loved was the thought behind the package. My friend and I have both moved away from where we grew up, and now live far apart, but it felt like a hug in a Jiffy bag. It’s fun buying cute baby outfits, but that’s what everyone does for new babies, and parents will likely have stocked up on most of what they need before the baby is born. My experience was it was so much nicer to get something that came from my friend’s experience of what it was like looking after a newborn in the cold winter months. It was also a gift for me and my husband (actually he used most of the hand cream). The message was: “look after the parents”. Looking back, the same friend also recommended books I found really helpful, like those by La Leche League about sleep and breastfeeding, and most of all, a really responsive WhatsApp conversation which reassured me at various difficult moments. Connection and support, in different forms, was what I valued the most.



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Why lasagne is better than a baby grow

18/11/2019

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When I had my first baby, I was clueless about what babies really needed and also clueless about what I would really need. I ended up with an emergency caesarean birth and when I got home from the hospital, I was a mess. I was in love with my tiny baby but also reeling from the shock of it all, in pain daily, struggling with breastfeeding, not sleeping and unable to get about much. 
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​I had people wanting to come and meet my new baby and see me and I agreed in a haze. Most people just came over, sat on the sofa and chatted, drank tea and had a cuddle with the baby. They brought cute outfits and toys as gifts for my daughter. These were all appreciated but piled up in the unused nursery whilst baby slept on my chest each night as I laid awake stressing about why she wasn’t sleeping. ​​


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A Change is as Good as a Rest: Toothbrushing Trials

9/9/2019

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One thing I noted in my recent blog for It’s A Sling Thing was the phenomenon of “Mummy do it”.  As much as you may try to share the aspects of child rearing equally, your little one may make their preferences felt. Aside from being frustrating, this can lock the roles for different tasks in place. One way around this is to insist on taking turns. If you are consistent with this, it should become automatic, however, in the early days this can be frustrating & tedious. Nowhere is this more evident in our household than in the task of tooth brushing.



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A broken feeding culture... actually a broken culture

12/6/2018

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I read the articles on infant feeding this morning. I read the information from the Royal College of Midwives (RCM) too - and I cried. As someone who calls themselves an "infant feeding practitioner" rather than a breastfeeding supporter, because it is not my business how you feed YOUR baby, I found all of this made me rage and not for the reasons you might think.
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My over-riding sensation was how very broken our culture must be for me to be seeing these headlines. What kind of culture do we live in where the RCM felt a need to tell midwives not to shame mothers? What kind of culture do we live in where the media are allowed to take one sentence from a large general document and turn it into a massive assault on both midwives and breastfeeding advocates, without any concern for them or the mothers who now feel pressured and didn't before?

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Soft Structured Carrier Babywearing Comparison and Reviews

25/10/2013

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We love babywearing at BabyCalm.

We understand though that for many parents wrap slings can be daunting, we also understand that many (especially dads!) are keen on the idea of a more structured buckled carrier – one that they can simply “click and go” and one that looks a little more mainstream and a little more like the baby carriers sold in most high street shops. Enter the ‘Soft structured Carrier’ – a baby carrier that carries baby in an ergonomically/physiologically correct position and one that is comfortable for the wearer. A carrier that can be used on the front and back (and often hip) and can often be used well into the toddler and even preschool years.

There is one problem though – the huge choice – what one should you buy? We would always recommend trying one of first, but if that isn’t possible for whatever reason there are a few points to bear in mind:

  1. Who will be using the carrier? Are they petite? plus size? very tall? Will the waistband fit? Do the straps cross to provide a better fit?
  2. How long do you want the carrier to last? From birth? Well into toddlerhood? Consider the weight capacity and height and width of the carrier and whether you need to purchase a seperate invoice to use the carrier from birth?
  3. Do you want to back carry or hip carry as well as carry baby on your front?
  4. Does the carrier have a sleep hood? To support your baby’s head if he or she falls asleep in the carrier?
  5. Will you be using the carrier in very hot weather? Does it need to fold up small to pop in your bag?
  6. Finally – what sort of budget do you have?
We have created the table below as a good starting point (by no means does this cover all SSCs on the market) – read on for detailed reviews of some of the most popular carriers:
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Boba 3G  – £89.99 from Slumber Roo

Review by Gwen – her son is 3yrs old in this picture
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I bought the Boba 3G as I wanted a semi-structured carrier that I would be able to do a back carry in when I was on my own.  After trying out a few I fell in love with the Boba 3G.  I couldn’t believe just how it easy it is get my toddler on my back; it is just like putting a ruck sack on.

The wide padded straps are extremely comfortable, other carriers started to pull on my shoulders after a while but the 3G stayed comfortable.  The wide hip belt sits comfortably on both me and my husband and both the 15 month old and the 3 year old love it.  The straps are very easily adjusted for each parent and child combination. There are a few extras that make it even better, the rain/sleep hood is very useful and folds into a pocket when not in use. There is a pocket for money and keys and even better there is a loop to secure a light bag in place with a popper rather than having it fall off your shoulders.

All in all I would highly recommend it.
Connecta Solarweave – £56.99 from Connecta

Review by Claire – her daughter is 16mths old in this picture.
For me a Solarweave Connecta is an indispensable addition to my luggage for any sort of holiday and wonderful at home too!

Not only is the fabric cool and highly breathable, while being extremely soft and supportive, but it also offers sun protection as the fabric blocks out most of the harmful UVA and UVB rays. All factors that make it the perfect carrier for any warmer weather babywearing.

It also dries extremely quickly and folds up tiny to shove in your bag, not only fantastic for the beach or pool but also for active, rainy-day activities – I’ve often scooped up a damp toddler who’s been puddle jumping onto my back in ours!
They’re comfortable and extremely easy to use, making them a great beginners choice, and with very little adjustment the standard size can fit from newborn to around two years or more.
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All in all a Solarweave Connecta is very versatile choice with lots to offer – but in my opinion a holiday must-have whether it’s sun or snow!
Ergobaby  – around £95
Review by Alexandra – her son is 20 mths old in this picture
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The ergobaby carrier can be found in almost any childcare shop. You can carry your baby on your front and on your back (and on your hip according to the instructions but clearly I would not recommend it as it is quite uncomfortable!) up to 18kg.

It is made in 100% cotton in lovely colours or designs. There is an extendable waist belt in option so any parents can use it (It can fit sizes 4 to 26.).  The body of the Ergobaby is not adjustable and quite small so it will be quickly overgrown by your LO. However, its dimensions are well suited from 6 month old to about 18mths old.

I didn’t like the pocket on the panel as it is on your baby’s back…. but I must admit it is quite spacious and could be useful.

The Ergobaby seems to be the least flexible SSC compared to the Boba and Manduca:
you have to buy a newborn insert, the body of the carrier is not adjustable and the simplistic settings do not allow optimum adjustment. I know many parents who had invested in the newborn insert and found it inconvenient and difficult to install correctly. On the other hand it is perhaps the simplest SSC: no accessory to the basic version, no zips (except for the two pockets/pouches on the panel), no safety button on the buckle belt (which makes it easier to un-clip with one hand), a single point of control for the belt and suspenders. The adjustments are thus simplified but less accurate. A strong point in the settings is that the straps can be unbuckled, allowing a hip carry or to cross the straps in the back.

It was our 1st SSC and I found the Ergo rather limited with our 20mth old boy. A large part of the  belt is not padded and “dug” into my, rather not flat, stomach (when use for a back carry) and I didn’t really appreciated the shape of the belt on my lower back. I also found difficult to use it higher on my back. My husband who is quite thin didn’t find it uncomfortable though. I have since tried out the Manduca with my son and found it more comfortable and more flexible. The Ergobaby still is compact, lightweight and the fabric is nice.
Manduca  – from £99.99 from Cheeky Rascals

Review by Kate – her son is 7mths old in this picture
I initially wanted to upgrade from wraps to half or full buckles mainly for ease of use for my husband.  One of the first full buckles I tried on was a Manduca and immediately I liked the structure to it and how versatile the padded buckle straps were, being able to wear them in a ruck sack style, crossways and use the sling for front, back and hip carrying.  What also immediately appealed to me was the fact that it has a zip feature to extend the body length and so would be suitable for toddlers and small children – a sling you would definitely get extended use from. It really is so comfortable and easy to use.

The Manduca is structured without being too hard and inflexible, it has a lovely deep seat for larger babies and toddlers whilst also having an insert for newborns – (handy for the next one!).  One of my favourite features is the deep, padded waistband as this takes some of the weight of the baby off your back and shoulders onto your hips.  I myself have a little extra 
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padding in the waist department and found tie wraps have a tendency to dig in and slip after a long wearing session.  Not so with the Manduca.  It’s incredibly comfortable and the push and click locking buckle at the waist gives that extra peace of mind that its not going to pull or pop open if strained.  I also really like the thick padding on the shoulders which feel much more comfortable than some of the other lesser padded slings.

I prefer the cross over front carry at the moment as my baby is only 7 months old and I like to keep him “close enough to kiss”.  However, I can see the back carry becoming a favourite once he’s a toddler and we can play “piggy back” comfortably.
My husband is very happy with the Manduca as not only is it stylish and modern (and doesn’t make him look like a hippy!) but it feels secure, is easy to adjust and he loves the “click and go”aspect which is perfect when you’re rushing about and the weather is not so great – the last thing you need is trailing straps of fabric dangling in puddles while you’re trying to tie it in a downpour!

I can’t recommend the Manduca highly enough especially those who are new to Babywearing and perhaps a bit intimated by the huge varieties of fabrics and ways of tying fabric wraps. It’s been an interesting and educational journey for us so far and I’m really glad we’ve found a sling that suits all our requirements –  I’m especially  looking forward to snuggly winter walks in the snow.
Tula Toddler Carrier £103.99 Tula

Review by Emma – her son is 4yrs in this picture
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I was so excited to get a Tula Toddler last year –  which in my opinion is more preschool sized than toddler sized – because I was not ready to give up carrying my 3 and a half year old yet. Also he was born with bilateral talipes which meant his legs often got tired especially walking on uneven ground and up and down hills.

As we go to at least 2 festivals over the summer a carrier is an essential part of our kit, the Tula Toddler is great because both myself and my husband can use it. (I also use wraps but he is purely a buckles man) I am 5’1″ and a size 18/20, he is 6’1″ and of stocky build so finding a carrier that suited us both had proven tricky in the past.

The Tula Toddler is very adjustable giving both of us a comfortable fit. We used it quite a lot this summer – even though Alfie turned 4 in February and is above average height and 
weighs 19kg – carnivals and festivals are a regular occurrence on the Isle of Wight where we live. We use the optional leg extenders with it now Alfie is so big and it has meant that this carrier has lasted us a long time.

I recommend this carrier for larger toddlers and into preschool years.
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Why You Should Celebrate International Babywearing Week – Guest Post by Babywearing UK

8/10/2012

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Every year, families around the world get together to celebrate ‘International Babywearing Week‘. What is it, you might ask? And why the need to celebrate what is actually something simple: carrying your child? Is there anything novel about that?

For thousands of years, women carried their babies everywhere: in the house, at work, outside… It was the best – and possibly the only way – to keep them safe and warm. Then it became usual to place babies in various contraptions away from their mothers – from buggies to car seats, rocking chairs, cots, even walkers. As usual with these things, you might have noticed that the tide is turning. More and more parents (re)-discover that it is practical and convenient to carry their baby. And it is actually a good thing.

Parents can be at a loss to understand their newborn. Why is he fussing? Is he hungry, tired, does he need a clean nappy? Carrying your baby close helps you understand his signs much quicker, establishing the early foundations of communication and satisfying his needs before he gets to the full-on cries. A much nicer experience for the whole family.

The extra cuddles and closeness give the baby just the reassurance he needs to transition from the womb to the outside world. It can be bright and noisy out there but snuggled up against mummy or daddy’s chest, it’s alright. The closeness allows baby to sense his parents’ reactions much better and gradually makes sense of his experiences.

If you have to be separated from your baby for work or other reasons, carrying him closely in a baby sling while you are with him – perhaps on the way to nursery – is a good way to catch up on closeness. It is also true for working fathers who might not be able to see their little one as much as they want during the week. A baby sling is not just for parents: try lending a baby carrier to your childminder and show her how you use it. She will be able to comfort your baby throughout the day even if she has other children to care for.

‘Babywearing’ is not just for newborns and babies. There are numerous child carriers who have been designed to fit toddlers. They allow you to carry your child right up to about 20kg (45lb). You can help him catch a nap on your back in the middle of a busy day, or encourage him to walk independently knowing that if he gets too tired, you can pop him on your back. A baby sling is a good way to keep young children safe in busy surroundings – at the market or when you’re travelling on public transport for example. Perched on your back, they have a good view of their surroundings (probably less scary that if they were much lower on the ground, surrounded by what must surely seem like giants!).

So why celebrate International Babywearing Week? Because parents all around the world are choosing to parent their children a different way, a way that suits the whole family. Because carrying their baby or their toddler in a comfortable baby carrier allows parents to live the life they want to live with their child.

To find a babywearing event near you visit: www.babywearing.co.uk
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