​In this article I will outline a new neuropsychological theory of human needs, based on first hand observations of working with children and families, and through analysis of recent neuro-scientific research, and a systematic review of almost a century of psychological theories of human needs. This article does not outline the research, only presents the theory and starts to apply it to assist you in understanding children’s behaviour. If you want to read an explanation of why I have produced my own theory of human needs, including a brief analysis of the research, articles will be published on my personal website.​

I am in the process of putting the research into an academic paper, which I will seek to have published. I will also be seeking to apply for funding and ethical approval to carry out primary research to investigate the validity of my theory further. If you find this theory helpful, and want to use it or talk about it, please attribute it to me appropriately. If you are interested in helping with this project, please feel free to get in contact, my details are at the bottom.

The basis of this theory is that fundamentally, all humans have a “simple” need to be regulated, and that our need to regulate ourselves, is the driver of all our behaviour. The real questions then become; what is it that we are needing to regulate, and what is needed for that regulation to take place. Only then can we start to understand human behaviour.​

I propose that there are five key areas of regulation:

1. Physical
2. Sensory
3. Cognitive
4. Emotional
5. Psychological

We need to understand what elements are needed in order to be regulated in that area. However, it is first important to understand that all human factors interact with each other, so needs do not and cannot happen in isolation from each other. Everything impacts our psychology, and our psychology impacts everything. As an example, being hungry impacts our emotions, heightens our perception of smell and taste, impacts how able we are to think, and changes our behaviour. 
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This happens because all of these elements are interpreted by our brains. Our neurology is everything. This means that equally, if we are feeling psychologically disconnected, it will likely impact our eating behaviour, how our brains process sensory information and the impact of our emotions on our behaviour. This also happens in our brain. 

For this reason, my needs theory is derived both from studying human behaviour, and from studying the brain; neuropsychology. I have identified seven fundamental human needs, which are neuropsychological and you will see that “regulation” is one of them, and therefore, all of the above areas of regulation, are in fact included within the theory, not separate from it.
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I first came across this phrase a couple of years ago when I was watching a Sadhaguru video on Youtube and my daughter was still very small. He spoke of how we cannot expect our children to be a certain way, if we are not, we do not need to direct our efforts of teaching onto our children for them to learn.
 
Our children are like sponges they absorb and take in everything around them, they learn to talk and walk without us physically or directly teaching them. They have picked up how to say goodbye or hello as they have seen us do it so many times.

​When a special holiday comes around, in particular the festive season, it is really common for our children to have big feelings. If you have children who are old enough to get excited, I’m pretty sure that you’ll have experienced this strange phenomenon. If you have a toddler, maybe you’ve noticed they seem unusually overwhelmed. It’s likely that you; like me, will have wondered why on earth your children are behaving so out of character, when you’re trying so hard to make this time of year so magical for them! 

Parenting with your partner is hard, but when it's your ex-partner you're working with to raise your children things get a whole new level of complicated. I have a whole set of ex-partners that I'm co-parenting with, well 3 to be precise and I'll be the first to admit I don't get it right every time, far from it in fact. 

​There are reasons these people are my ex-partners, but that's not what's important here. I have children that I'm parenting with these people, so my focus on how I feel about them as partners, as people, has to be shifted so that the emphasis is on how to work with them as parents. It's far from easy and there are always big emotions involved on both sides, but I have found way to make things easier, here are my top tips 

We often talk to parents in a bit of a panic because they have booked their dream holiday with their child or children and when the reality of the long haul flight (or even just a short flight with an energetic toddler) sinks in, they don't know where to turn or how to keep them calm, and keep themselves calm. So we have put together some top tips for having a calm-er flight experience with a baby or toddler. We hope you like them:

​I’ve just seen this doing the rounds on Facebook, and I love it.
 
I love it for two reasons.
 
Firstly, because a time out is exactly what parents need sometimes.  And a time out that feels like a treat, like something special, is just what our overwhelmed, stressed out selves need to regroup.
 
I’m not (necessarily) advocating getting drunk to cope with parenting.  But I want to emphasise the concept that a time out for a parent should consist of something that that parent likes! And that helps that parent to feel restored and revitalised. 
 
Time out should FEEL GOOD!
 
And the second reason I like this picture, is because the idea of time out being a chance for a treat, can be equally applied to children as it is to their parents.
 
Children (just like us adults) act out when they are overwhelmed. 
 
Think about the moments that you snap at your partner? Are you tired? Hungry? Feeling unappreciated? Facing unrealistic expectations? Still processing a stressful day at work?
 
We act out when we are overloaded and overwhelmed, and our children are exactly the same.  Every time there is some seemingly purposeful negative behaviour from our child, have a think as to what the underlying reason might be.
 
I have a list of five things that seem to be at the heart of every single problem behaviour I see in my kids: