Category: Emily Wilding Fackrell

Birth education needs something new

15/7/2019

Since I left school I have studied child development from conception, and, as well as psychology and neurology, I have always loved the pregnancy and birth stuff. I once wanted to be a midwife and I still read midwifery text books for fun.

When I decided to change career to one I was passionate about I first trained as a Doula and it blew my mind. I then wanted to train with a birth education company and I researched it all: Active Birth, Hypnobirthing of all kinds, NCT, Yoga, and some other lesser known programmes.

I did a few. There were some I didn't do and would still love to. Some of them were awesome.

However, nothing ever offered everything I wanted to do, or fit what I wanted to teach perfectly, so as usual, I ended up doing my own thing; a mix of it all, but mostly from my instincts. Of course I became much more focused on babies and toddlers as the years went on due to circumstances and that has been wonderful, but birth always calls me back and many people suggested I write a programme. I refused on the basis that there are lots and lots of programmes already and some are really really good - many in fact.

So why? Why did I decide to create BirthCalm and how is it different? Because it is different...

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Kids hate routine but they love rhythm

24/6/2019

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We hear a lot form "experts" in parenting and childcare that children thrive in a routine. "Bedtime" routines and "getting ready for school" routines. "Get baby into a routine otherwise you'll make a rod for your back" (Where are all these rods? If they really existed we could build something awesome).

I hear about routine all the time. My favourite one is at the end of the summer when every other parent I meet tells me they cannot wait to get back to school to get their kids back into their routine.

Well I hate it. Seriously! and so do my kids. But I tell you what they love and what they need, it's rhythm, and here is what I mean by that...

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Why I boycott Mother's Day and suggest you do too

31/3/2019

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I guess this article could have been called "Why I celebrate Mothers all year round" but I wanted to be really clear that I DO NOT DO Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day and want it to stop.

This is definitely not because I have some deep-seated issues with mothers or the concept of motherhood, and not because I have a problem with my own mother. Nor is it because I wish to deny any mother the bliss of a day "off" or being nurtured and celebrated by others.

So what the hell is my problem? Well I have at least 5 actually...

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Forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now

20/3/2019

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Parent guilt. It hurts. We have all felt it. I have always tried to do the best for my children. Always. When I discovered a different approach to parenting, one that I felt so much more aligned to and gave me much more joy with my children, it felt amazing and also painful. I felt grief for all the moments I could have done differently. I felt panic for the potential "damage" I may have done in moments I chose something I now know isn't ideal for a developing brain, or indeed for not treating my child as an equal and valid human being. I felt angry that no one told me the right things at the start, and I felt shame for not having looked harder myself. I could go on and on about the difficult feelings that have risen over the years and I could comfort you by saying that it is all ok and no damage is done. I would be lying.

You cannot take it back and your feelings, all of them - the joy, the grief, the pain, the regret and shame - they are all valid. You need to feel them to change and to do better. Because as parents we are always trying to do better even if in any given moment we do not succeed. So what comfort can I give, if it is not to tell you not to worry? Listen up...

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A broken feeding culture... actually a broken culture

12/6/2018

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I read the articles on infant feeding this morning. I read the information from the Royal College of Midwives (RCM) too - and I cried. As someone who calls themselves an "infant feeding practitioner" rather than a breastfeeding supporter, because it is not my business how you feed YOUR baby, I found all of this made me rage and not for the reasons you might think.

My over-riding sensation was how very broken our culture must be for me to be seeing these headlines. What kind of culture do we live in where the RCM felt a need to tell midwives not to shame mothers? What kind of culture do we live in where the media are allowed to take one sentence from a large general document and turn it into a massive assault on both midwives and breastfeeding advocates, without any concern for them or the mothers who now feel pressured and didn't before?

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The truth about snow days

1/3/2018

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Now I know that it is pretty treacherous in some places, it can be dangerous, that it’s inconvenient, and it can cost people money. Today it has been inconvenient to me, tomorrow it will be, and this weekend it’s likely to mean I have to cancel training some wonderful new consultants which costs me and the business money. That part sucks BUT I am excited and inspired. I know there are lots of haters of snow out there and earlier in the week when they said it would snow I was both skeptical and a bit frustrated. However today I feel differently.

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The ultimately unanswered question; a reconnection paradox

11/1/2018

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As a responsive parent, I have a strong connection with my children. Now that my son is in school and we are separate for long parts the day, I cannot wait to reconnect. However, every day that I pick my son up from school, I’m excited to see him, to hear about his day, to share his worries and his delights. I wait eagerly in the school playground with all the other parents for him to emerge out of the door and come running to me, as excited to see me as I am to see him.

And you know what, it never happens.

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Five problems with #MeToo and the solution

21/10/2017

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It’s been an intense week and a bit of a roundabout for me. I started out seeing #metoo and wanting to join the voices. I wanted to stand up for all the silenced women and be brave enough to say I too had been through, and survived sexual violence. I wanted for the world to understand what I have always known ...

that “me too” can be said by every female from the age of about 10 upwards. Either in some small (it’s never that small), everyday way or on a terrifying sliding scale to extremely devastating sexual violence, sometimes repeatedly. But as I raised my voice, it became oh so clear that there was a problem, and soon that became more than one. These need addressing and a solution is a must:

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“What are we doing to our children?” - Good question…

13/10/2017

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(A response to the telegraph article by Hilary French dated 10th October 2017)

Whilst I don't disagree that technology and social media have a part to play in teenage mental health, I love how it's so easy to blame these simple things for the issues young people are facing today. The society we have created for them, including excessive use of social media is a problem but whilst the media and the government have us focused on how the “evil” technology is damaging our teenagers, we are happily distracted from looking at government policy, the education system and common parenting practice and advice as a potential cause.

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5 reasons I don't sleep when my baby sleeps

10/9/2017

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My baby doesn't sleep through the night and I know I am not alone there!

When I tell people I am tired and that she doesn't "sleep through the night", they either tell me how to "fix" my baby (who by the way, isn't broken, she's normal) or they tell me to sleep when she sleeps. Now I know everyone means well and actually, sleep when baby sleeps is much better advice than routines, sleep training or early weaning (but I am not getting into that now). However, there are a few problems with trying to sleep whenever my baby sleeps:

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<<Previous

The CalmFamily community blog

Birth education needs something new

Kids hate routine but they love rhythm

Why I boycott Mother's Day and suggest you do too

Forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now

A broken feeding culture... actually a broken culture

The truth about snow days

The ultimately unanswered question; a reconnection paradox

Five problems with #MeToo and the solution

“What are we doing to our children?” - Good question…

5 reasons I don't sleep when my baby sleeps

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