Raise Yourself Before You Raise Your Kids

I first came across this phrase a couple of years ago when I was watching a Sadhaguru video on Youtube and my daughter was still very small. He spoke of how we cannot expect our children to be a certain way, if we are not, we do not need to direct our efforts of teaching onto our children for them to learn.
 
Our children are like sponges they absorb and take in everything around them, they learn to talk and walk without us physically or directly teaching them. They have picked up how to say goodbye or hello as they have seen us do it so many times.

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If we want our children to behave in a certain way, we have to model that behaviour.
 
If we want them to understand the socially acceptable way to say thank you, in what context and to what effect, we have to model that. We have to say ‘thank you’ to those around us, we also have to say ‘thank you’ to our child and we have to say it A LOT!

They do not learn the expected social behaviours by repeating a word that you have asked them to say. They learn it by seeing it used in context regularly.
 
If we want our child to show respect to other children and other adults, we have to show them respect. We cannot say to our children; ‘no, you must not snatch’ whilst simultaneously snatching a toy out of their hand. We cannot ask our children to wait whilst we finish something before they talk to us, but get cross if they do not drop everything straight away when we ask. We have to treat them they way we wish to be treated, and the way we wish them to treat others.
 
These ‘ideas' or 'solutions’ seemed simple to me. If I wanted her to do, or to say something I needed to demonstrate it, It wasn't until recently, when I was running a ToddlerCalm Understanding Behaviour workshop that the phrase really spoke out to me. I realised I was talking about myself as if I was in the past. Talking about how I didn't want my daughter to have the traits I had. To not have low self esteem, low confidence. As if these were things I am, and always will be, unable to change, As if I were dead.
 
I am not dead, I have (hopefully) over 50 years left of my life, and I don't have to have low confidence for the rest of my life. I can change. If I want my child to not suffer the way I have, I need to model this to her now. How can I expect my child to have high self esteem if she is spending all day with an adult who thinks so lowly of themselves?
 
And so I have now taken the pledge to raise myself. All the qualities I wish I had and consequently wish for my daughter to have, I will make the effort to raise them in myself and consequently model them to her, so that she will grow up seeing a person with strength, integrity, self esteem and self belief, kindness, respect for others and herself, and she will develop these qualities too.
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Kristy Munday- Raising Myself and ToddlerCalm Cambourne

I'm Kristy, Mummy to Lana and wife to James, and we live just outside Cambridge. I am passionate about becoming compassionate in all aspects of my life, to children to adults, to the environment and to animals. I also love being outside in nature (when it's not too rainy, cold or hot), watching a movie, reading a book and generally sitting doing nothing. I am here to help support parents in the most challenging times, and help them to parent the way they want to, confidently, compassionately and consciously.

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