Wilding's neuropsychological theory of human needs

​In this article I will outline a new neuropsychological theory of human needs, based on first hand observations of working with children and families, and through analysis of recent neuro-scientific research, and a systematic review of almost a century of psychological theories of human needs. This article does not outline the research, only presents the theory and starts to apply it to assist you in understanding children’s behaviour. If you want to read an explanation of why I have produced my own theory of human needs, including a brief analysis of the research, articles will be published on my personal website.​

I am in the process of putting the research into an academic paper, which I will seek to have published. I will also be seeking to apply for funding and ethical approval to carry out primary research to investigate the validity of my theory further. If you find this theory helpful, and want to use it or talk about it, please attribute it to me appropriately. If you are interested in helping with this project, please feel free to get in contact, my details are at the bottom.

The basis of the theory

The basis of this theory is that fundamentally, all humans have a “simple” need to be regulated, and that our need to regulate ourselves, is the driver of all our behaviour. The real questions then become; what is it that we are needing to regulate, and what is needed for that regulation to take place. Only then can we start to understand human behaviour.​

I propose that there are five key areas of regulation:

1. Physical
2. Sensory
3. Cognitive
4. Emotional
5. Psychological

We need to understand what elements are needed in order to be regulated in that area. However, it is first important to understand that all human factors interact with each other, so needs do not and cannot happen in isolation from each other. Everything impacts our psychology, and our psychology impacts everything. As an example, being hungry impacts our emotions, heightens our perception of smell and taste, impacts how able we are to think, and changes our behaviour. 
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This happens because all of these elements are interpreted by our brains. Our neurology is everything. This means that equally, if we are feeling psychologically disconnected, it will likely impact our eating behaviour, how our brains process sensory information and the impact of our emotions on our behaviour. This also also happens in our brain. 

For this reason, my needs theory is derived both from studying human behaviour, and from studying the brain; neuropsychology. I have identified seven fundamental human needs, which are neuropsychological and you will see that “regulation” is one of them, and therefore, all of the above areas of regulation, are in fact included within the theory, not separate from it.
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The Wilding neuropsychological human needs

The seven fundamental human needs, I have identified are:

• Regulation

1. Protection

1. Predictability

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1. Connection

1. Recognition

1. Autonomy

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1. Novelty

I will describe each of these in details below.

Regulation

We can already see the complex interaction within regulation through our need to be psychologically regulated in order to have our needs met, at the same time as regulation of all areas, being one of those needs. Regulation therefore includes the four areas described in this section, and the other six sections that encompass psychological regulation. 

In regard to the four “other” categories of regulation, this is a very brief description, not because they are less important, but because there is so much to say for each, that I will have to tackle these in separate articles. 

This graphic shows the four categories and what is involved within them.

Physical regulation

Least necessary to explain, is our need to keep our body systems working correctly, maintain our energy, and our health. However, it is often the case that people are unaware of being physically dysregulated. There are many reasons why this happens including, but not limited to, having been programmed by our parents to ignore our cues, living in different environments to those which would be natural, because some people’s neurology does not perceive bodily signals well, or because children have not yet developed this perception. 
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This means sometimes we have to guess whether we are physically regulated, or not, or most particularly if our child is regulated.​
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Children who are hungry, dehydrated, cold, hot, unwell, constipated, or have high blood sugar levels, are likely to display difficult behaviour. It is often easy to forget, when faced with challenging behaviour, that the child could simply be “hangry”.

Cognitive regulation

Cognitive regulation relates to what is often described as executive function. In very simple terms, this is the brain’s ability to cross communicate and organise thought processes. When executive function isn’t happening well, people seek out stimulation, feel overwhelmed, and/or are much less able to meet their own needs. 

​In young children, their brain connections are not yet in place in a significant enough way for this to be a major issue impacting their behaviour. ​They just do not organise their thoughts, multi-task, hold details in their memories whilst doing something, plan, prioritise, or have a concept of time. Yet. It is rarely required of them to manage this themselves, which is good because they cannot. In teenagers and adults, mental stimulation, the ability to think clearly, and organise your thoughts, is important to regulation. We often describe this as the “mental load”, and what we mean is, how much your brain is trying to deal with at once.

Feeling mentally overloaded, overwhelmed, unable to think clearly, forgetful, disorganised and unprepared is a distressing experience.

Sensory regulation

Sensory regulation relates to the fact that our brains need the right balance of sensory input. If we perceive too much sensory input from any one of our eight senses, we will display avoiding behaviour and can become overwhelmed. If we perceive too little sensory input in any area, we will display sensory seeking behaviour. Please look out for an upcoming article on this.
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​Children who have experienced, or are experiencing, too much sensory input, or who are highly sensitive to sensory input, are more likely to have extreme reactions to minor events. Children who are not receiving enough sensory input, either through lack of opportunity, or because they are under-sensitive to sensory stimuli, will seek those experiences in any way they can, including in ways we would prefer they don’t. Climbing on furniture, biting, chewing items or clothes, pushing against us, moving a lot, making loud noises, fiddling and many more behaviours could be displayed and perceived as “naughtiness”, especially when the child cannot seem to stop when told.

Emotional regulation

Emotional regulation does not mean to avoid emotions, or more commonly, to avoid emotions perceived as negative. Emotional regulation does not mean to always be happy, or even always be content. Being emotionally regulated means the ability to experience emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them, and without being triggered into a disproportionate response. We can all agree that we are all often emotionally dysregulated. Part of regulating our emotions is being able to bring ourselves back from our initial response that takes us out of regulation. Children do not have the brain connections to do this without support. They are unable, due to neurological development, to properly emotionally self-regulate until they are in their twenties. Their abilities develop gradually from about 5-7 years old at the earliest. Many adults find it very difficult to emotionally self-regulate too, mostly because they were not modelled this behaviour in childhood.
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A child who is experiencing emotional dysregulation, or who has not processed emotional upset from something previously, is likely to be very reactive in their behaviour and may be less cooperative than usual.
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Brief digression regarding emotions in relation to needs and behaviour

​Having said that I am not going to go into huge amounts of detail here, I do need to touch further on emotions, because of they way in which they interact with needs and behaviour.
When someone's needs are not being met, they feel emotions. Emotions are signals to let us know to do something about meeting our needs. Emotions work to do three things: elicit motivation, provide energy to act, and cause us to reflect and remember. They tell us how to act in the pursuit of meeting our needs, and they contribute to activating other systems in the brain and body when necessary. All the emotions, are necessary and have a specific purpose.
In very simple form, these are the purposes of the seven most basic forms of emotion:

Joy

Sadness

Anger

Disgust

Fear

Surprise

Guilt

Repeat the behaviour, it met our needs

Take time to rest and recover from loss

Act to make something stop or change

Caution: potential physical/social poison

Protect your life, you are in danger

Retreat quickly before you respond

You need to act to reflect and repair

This is important to understand because emotions happen in order to make us behave. We feel, we act, and then we reflect, storing information on how to act next time. This memory, along with the newly associated emotional responses, determine how we behave in the future. So essentially, we have a need, we feel, we act, we reflect, we remember and repeat or change. Needs are therefore the drivers of all behaviour, drivers of our emotions, which act as the conduit between the two.
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The film “Inside Out” is a wonderful representation of this. It only shows 5 of these because experts decided it would otherwise be too complex for small children, but it really does explain neuropschology around emotions and memory pretty well.
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How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• I am hungry, thirsty, tired, cold, hot, in pain.
• I feel ill
• I feel scared, angry, sad etc
• My environment is overwhelming me
• I need to move more
• I need some human contact (touch, cuddles)
• I need space
• I am being bombarded with information
• I need more autonomy, novelty, protection, predictability, recognition and connection.​

If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Are they tired, hungry, thirsty, unwell, too hot, too cold etc?
• Is there something in their environment that is bothering them?
• Do they need to move more or less?
• Do they need some human touch?
• Do they need some physical space or to be wrapped up?
• Are they currently emotionally upset?
• Are they still struggling with emotional upset from some previous experience?
• Are they being bombarded with information?
• What about their other needs?

Psychological regulation

Psychological regulation is achieved by the regulation of the above and meeting the following six needs. These needs are described in detail in the following sections.

Protection

Now, you may think I have just reworded Maslow's "safety" heading but this need is so much more. There are three main factors here:

1. The need to be protected by others. In the early days of infancy this is crucial to our very survival and, although it changes as we develop, we still need to experience protection from others throughout our lives.

 

1. The need to protect ourselves. We need to become capable of this and learn to surround ourselves by physical and social protection as much as we can, seeking community, seeking tools, and building shelter. 

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1. The need to protect others. We have a need to care for things, to step in and help and to preserve life. Sometimes this need in us is over-ridden in our upbringing or environment it seems, but it is present in humanity almost universally. Some people are drawn to protecting animals and plants more than other humans.

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Babies cry when they cannot feel or see you because they need you to survive. Toddlers are always on higher alert and will check you are there by seeking attention in sometimes unhelpful ways. Children of all ages need to feel that the space they are in and the people they are with are safe. They also need to trust in your responses, trust in reasonable and sensible limits and trust you to respond.​

Children who do not feel safe will potentially be clingy or will hide away. They may whinge or cry if they do not get the attention they need to feel safe. Children with no perceivable boundaries or limits will potentially push those boundaries until they find them, and will feel unprotected and therefore unloved in the future.

How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• I don’t feel safe here
• There is no one here to protect me
• The safe people are not here
• This place scares me
• This person makes me feel uncomfortable
• I don’t know how to keep myself safe in this situation
• I don’t know what is safe and what is not
• I cannot see, smell, hear, feel my care giver
• No one has checked on me for a while
• I don’t know if this person will keep me safe
• No one cares enough to stop me hurting myself
• Why does no one have time to check on me

If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Do they feel unsafe in their environment?
• Do they feel unsafe with the people around them?
• For older children and beyond - do they have something to care for?
• Are limits and boundaries in place and reasonably clear?​

Predictability

People need a sense of knowing what is happening next. This helps us to regulate emotions such as fear and surprise. It is a myth that we need routine in our lives, because routine is a time-based rigid structure that tends to override our autonomy, does not allow for enough novelty, and can prevent us from being flexible enough to regulate emotions. Having a rhythm in your life is a good way to build predictability. Rhythm is less about routine and more like:

Usually this happens, then this, then this, OR, when I go here, I can expect this. 

Building rituals into life can also be useful to increase the predictability and rhythm.

Children are often moved from place to place and have neither control nor knowledge of what is happening to them. Children will become unsettled if they cannot predict their lives to some extent. Children also experience distress when they enter situations where the “rules” or boundaries are different from usual or have suddenly changed. They will likely either act wildly to re-find the boundaries, or experience a threat response in these circumstances.

Also problematic are times when we interrupt our child’s natural rhythms by rushing them or by not carefully managing transitions from one thing to another. Children are likely to resist their parents in these circumstances or whinge a lot. They are feeling overwhelmed and surprised, because they could not predict the next thing quickly enough.

How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• I don’t know what’s happening to me
• I don’t know what to expect
• I don’t understand the rules
• Your behaviour was suddenly really different to normal
• I was expecting something else and this is scary
• It’s all happening too fast
• I am not ready for this change
• I liked things the way they were and I am grieving
• This normally happens differently to this

If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Are they dealing with an unexpected situation?
• Are they dealing with a transition from one thing to another?
• Is there any big change happening in their life?

Connection

We are a social species and so connection to other human beings is fundamentally sought to meet needs and to ensure we are regulated in different ways. Connection, unlike love and belonging, includes any human relationship that supports us. Friendships, online communities, family, local communities, professional support and romantic relationships can satisfy the need for connection. Different types of human connection suit different people in different situations.

Children lacking connection with their parents are most likely to display the most difficult behaviour. Often disconnection comes alongside many of the other needs because a child that is feeling upset by another issue, if it is in any way created or not resolved by you, adds disconnection.  Behaviour can range from being demanding, whinging, lashing out at parents or other children, destruction and any behaviour that is traditionally labelled as “attention-seeking”. Reframing those behaviours as connection-seeking can be helpful. They are sub-consciously seeking what they need by any means possible.

How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• I can’t see, hear, feel, smell you
• You aren’t responding to me
• We are not communicating reciprocally
• I haven’t spent enough time with you
• I don't have anyone I trust here
• My friends are not here
• I cannot relate to what is being asked of me
• I do not feel part of the group
• No one likes me/I feel rejected
• I am alone.

If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Are they feeling disconnected from you?
• Are they feeling disconnected from other significant people?
• Are they missing out on social experiences?
• Are they being pushed into social experiences that don’t work for them?
• Do they feel like part of a group (family, community, friendships)?
• Do they receive the message that your love is unconditional?

Recognition

Recognition is the fundamental need behind people’s perception of esteem or respect. We need to feel that people accept us for who we are, that we are capable of being a competent human and that we have a role or purpose in our community. We need this to be recognised by both our community and ourselves.

Recognition must not be confused with praise or reward. Although it is true that receiving feedback from others, or receiving something (money for instance) as recognition for a contribution can be suitable recognition, we must understand that those are just one form of recognition and are often not the most desirable forms. To understand more, read this article I wrote about effective recognition.

Children who do not feel recognised for their contribution, understood, or accepted as they are, are likely to lack confidence and experience anxiety in regard to their competence. They may be hyper sensitive to any rejection of their personality traits. You may hear them saying that life is unfair, that you do not understand them, or that no one likes them. Younger children may constantly ask for your opinion, show you things they have done, repeatedly, and will be less likely to try to do normal tasks independently.  Conversely, some children will not shy away anxiously. They will seek recognition in any form and display extremely extroverted or provocative behaviour. This could be positive or negative; constantly “performing”, or  possibly making inappropriate comments in public.
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How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• People expect too much of me.
• People do not understand me. 
• No one can see that I am struggling.
• I am not good at anything. 
• I have no role in this group.
• No one thinks I can do this.
• No one likes who I am.

If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Are your expectations of them correct and individual?
• Do they receive messages that their personality and needs are accepted?
• Do they get recognition (not reward or praise) for their contributions?
• Do they get opportunities to contribute?

Autonomy

Even though humans need to feel like they are connected to others and belong in a community, we also need to be distinct from others around us, and be self-directed. Having personal freedom and choice prevents communities from being cults (not healthy for our needs). We need to make our own choices and follow our own paths, being capable of managing things ourselves.

Humans can only be autonomous if they are allowed to be competent and capable of being self-determined. Putting things in place to allow less able humans (through development, ability, infirmity etc) to be self-determined as far as possible provides them with autonomy and therefore meets a fundamental need. Another fundamentally important part of autonomy is consent. Humans need to have authority over what happens to them, especially when it comes to their body.

This is usually a big factor in children’s behaviour, particularly in younger children. This is because we have a tendency to overly control toddler’s lives to feel confident in their safety, and because it make our lives more convenient. A child who does not have enough control over their own lives will take it back in any way they can. They may become defiant, avoid demands, or impose control over one or more of the three key areas in which parents cannot exert control: sleep, eating and toileting. 

How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• I have no control in this environment.
• I never get to choose what happens to me. 
• People are overriding my consent. 
• People tell me what to do all the time.
• I don’t have access to the things I need to be independent.
• No one lets me do things for myself.
• I feel trapped.

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If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Do they have enough control?
• Do they have enough choice?
• Is their environment providing them the chance to be self-sufficient where possible?
• Am I allowing them to feel capable?
• Am I, or others, over-riding their consent?
• Do they have enough freedom in how they play?

Novelty

If humans did not have a need for novelty we would never have advanced in the way that we have. We would be in our caves and we would never have looked over the horizon and wondered, and then gone exploring. We wouldn’t have created machines, gone into space, created iPhones or spread across the world. I mean, that might be better, but it is in our nature. We can get ourselves very regulated and comfortable with all of the above in our lives, but then we will inevitably want to change something, want to do something new, find something or create something.​

Children are natural explorers and “little scientists”. Their developing brains crave new experiences, problem solving and discovery. It is pretty difficult to restrain a child from this exploration, but it is possible to limit the possibilities and restrict their potential for experiencing novelty in the way they need to, by failing to provide varied opportunities, and failure to allow our children enough freedom to experience acceptable risk. When we restrict (usually inadvertently) our child’s novelty experiences, we will find that our children do it anyway, and often in ways we don’t like.
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Young children tend to explore by developing “schemas”, and this can look like hitting, throwing, mark making, and many other things that are really positive skills learning, but can also look like challenging behaviour, especially if they are hitting us or their siblings, throwing our iPhone or drawing on Granny’s walls.

How dysregulation is experienced in the child (consciously or subconsciously)

• I need to explore.
• I need to try things out.
• I need some variation in my life.
• This is boring.

If my child is behaving in a difficult way, as a parent, I can ask myself:

• Are they simply exploring?
• Do they need a new experience?
• Do they need some variety?
• Are they trying to learn something?
• Am I being flexible enough?
• Do they have opportunity to take acceptable risks?
• Do I allow them to learn things when they are ready?
• Do they see me trying things out and doing different things?

The needs spectrum

Now when studying Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of the things that has become clear, is that the hierarchy system, whilst sometimes helpful, certainly does not always apply and does not allow for the variation and flexibility of humans.​

The hierarchy is most useful when looking at someone’s human needs in the moment. If you are not feeling regulated and safe, you probably won’t be so concerned with discovering new lands. However, all of the things that are higher on Maslow’s triangle do contribute to the regulation of our emotions, our ability to regulate our senses, our physical needs and how able we are to manage our thoughts. Predictability directly impacts how safe we feel, as does maintaining our autonomy. Being recognised supports good human connection and both allow us to explore. It is complex.

The strongest argument against the hierarchy is that humans fundamentally don’t behave according to those rules in the long term. Firstly, an Olympic athlete retains an ongoing need to meet their physiological needs, even though they have reached their ultimate goals. Secondly, people stay in dangerous places, and situations just because that is where they belong, where family is, or where they are needed. For instance, families would rather stay together in a town being bombed, than separate in some cases. According to Maslow’s theory, they would meet the need for safety first and leave.

None of these needs operate in isolation and different needs will be more prominent than others, either at different times in our lives, on different days, or in different situations on the same day. Equally, our own personal neurology and personality impacts how intensely we experience these need. In my opinion, human needs would be best represented most often as a spectrum. A useful representation might be a circle with spokes like a wheel.
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Thinking about your own needs

You can use this too, to visually map out your needs, and check how regulated you are. For instance you can number each spoke from one to five and mark how high your need is, creating a concept map of your needs. Remember this is a snapshot. You can even adjust how much space you leave between each spoke, making a bigger area of need for those needs are more prominent for that person.

Twenty questions to ask yourself as a parent if you are struggling?

• Have I remembered to meet my physical needs?

1. If I am pregnant, injured or sick, have I remembered I need to give myself a break, as my regulation needs are exceptionally high?
2. Is the environment I am in upsetting any of my senses?
3. Can I do something to soothe my senses, like move, use fiddle objects, wrap myself in a blanket, take a bath?
4. Do I need human touch?
5. Am I trying to deal with unprocessed emotions? (recent or long-term)
6. Am I struggling to manage how much thinking I am needing to do?
7. Am I struggling with how much I need to organise and remember?
8. Am I getting enough down time?
9. Do I feel unsafe or unprotected?
10. Do I feel like I cannot protect myself or my family?
11. Is this situation new, unexpected, or happening too fast?
12. Am I feeling disconnected from my child, or in my other relationships?
13. Am I lacking community and friendship?
14. Is too much being expected of me by myself or others?
15. Do I feel like no one sees me as I am, and my struggles?
16. Do I feel rejected or ashamed?
17. Do I feel like I have enough control and choice in my life?
18. Do I need some change, variation, time for my own play?
19. Am I trying to learn something new?

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Written by Emily Wilding - founder and director of CalmFamily

A leading specialist in human developmental academic studying neuropsychology, an educator, and activist, as well as being a neurodivergent mum of four, a Taekwondo coach and a radical empath.
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Emily transformed what was BabyCalm Ltd into a social enterprise that is a collaborative, learning organisation and an education community. Emily's mission is to raise a generation of humans in a way that enables for a more equal and empathic society.